cheesy jokes part 2...
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Topic: cheesy jokes part 2...
Posted By: mystic fred
Subject: cheesy jokes part 2...
Date Posted: April 09 2006 at 12:18
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my wife just ran off with my best mate....i really miss him! my mother-in-law is really ugly... she went for a swim in Loch Ness and the monster got out and picketed the lake. there's a member of the public knocked down by a car every day in my town...and he's getting really fed up with it by now. my house is so dirty the mice wear overalls. how many roadies does it take to change a light bulb? ......two....two....two....two...! what do they call a scruffy spaced-out geezer who hangs around with musicians?......the drummer. ....
-------------  Prog Archives Tour Van 
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Replies:
Posted By: daz2112
Date Posted: April 09 2006 at 15:31
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When postman Pat retires,what's he gonna be called??
Pat  ------------- In the constellation of cygnus,There lurks a mysterious force...The black hole |
Posted By: Bj-1
Date Posted: April 09 2006 at 23:06
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------------- RIO/AVANT/ZEUHL - The best thing you can get with yer pants on! |
Posted By: BePinkTheater
Date Posted: April 10 2006 at 00:54
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why was helen Keller a bad driver?
cause she was a women! ------------- I can strangle a canary in a tin can and it would be really original, but that wouldn't save it from sounding like utter sh*t. -Stone Beard |
Posted By: jesperz
Date Posted: April 10 2006 at 05:21
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Hope this one doesn't offend anyone.... =) Peace ppl! What is the similarity between a christmas tree and a monk?!!! The balls are for decorations.. =)  ------------- <<Dark side of Z' Drummination>> |
Posted By: dooshbaggins
Date Posted: April 10 2006 at 13:31
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^^^hahahahaha, perfect!!! ------------- Pull My Finger! |
Posted By: daz2112
Date Posted: April 11 2006 at 12:40
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what have an elephant & a duck got in common??
they both can't drive tractors!! ------------- In the constellation of cygnus,There lurks a mysterious force...The black hole |
Posted By: R o V e R
Date Posted: April 11 2006 at 13:23
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its not TRUE
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daz2112 wrote:Posted By: daz2112
Date Posted: April 11 2006 at 14:44
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------------- In the constellation of cygnus,There lurks a mysterious force...The black hole |
Posted By: Ed_The_Dead
Date Posted: April 11 2006 at 14:56
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LOL!!!! That was so awesomely stupid!!! I was eating a banana while scrolling the page... and I had to clean my monitor ------------- http://www.last.fm/user/ed_the_dead/?chartstyle=asimpleblue5"> 
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Posted By: R o V e R
Date Posted: April 11 2006 at 15:24
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you clean your monitor, while eating banana or you scroll the banana , while eating the page
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Posted By: Peace Frog
Date Posted: April 11 2006 at 15:29
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What do you call a goat on steroids?
Shakira.
------------- http://imageshack.us"> 
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Posted By: AngelRat
Date Posted: April 11 2006 at 17:05
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A dyslectic man walks into a bra... -------------  |
Posted By: jesperz
Date Posted: April 12 2006 at 10:46
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Oh oh.. Here comes another 1... What is the difference between a normal toad and a Horny Toad?! One goes "Ribbit" ... Another goes "Rub It" ------------- <<Dark side of Z' Drummination>> |
Posted By: Bj-1
Date Posted: April 13 2006 at 22:22
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---------- What do you call a whore who is alone in the park when it winter?
A Frostitute. ------------- RIO/AVANT/ZEUHL - The best thing you can get with yer pants on! |
Posted By: daz2112
Date Posted: April 14 2006 at 07:46
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Today i woke up feeling like a billiard ball! When i went to the dr's he told me to get to the end of the cue! ------------- In the constellation of cygnus,There lurks a mysterious force...The black hole |
Posted By: daz2112
Date Posted: April 19 2006 at 12:04
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What do donkey's on Blackpool beach get for dinner?
1/2 hour like everyone else!! ------------- In the constellation of cygnus,There lurks a mysterious force...The black hole |
Posted By: jesperz
Date Posted: April 19 2006 at 22:50
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What do tight pants and cheap motel rooms have in common????? No BALLROOM! ------------- <<Dark side of Z' Drummination>> |
Posted By: daz2112
Date Posted: April 20 2006 at 13:11
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Man walks into a bar..............Ouch!!! ------------- In the constellation of cygnus,There lurks a mysterious force...The black hole |
Posted By: Bj-1
Date Posted: April 20 2006 at 17:14
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What did the policeman say to the condom?
"Cover me, Im goin' in!" A Classic! ------------- RIO/AVANT/ZEUHL - The best thing you can get with yer pants on! |
Posted By: Tuzvihar
Date Posted: April 20 2006 at 17:20
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A hurricane says to a coconut tree: Hang on to your nuts! This ain't no ordinary blowjob! ------------- "Music is much like f**king, but some composers can't climax and others climax too often, leaving themselves and the listener jaded and spent." Charles Bukowski |
Posted By: Bj-1
Date Posted: April 20 2006 at 17:22
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------------- RIO/AVANT/ZEUHL - The best thing you can get with yer pants on! |
Posted By: Tuzvihar
Date Posted: April 20 2006 at 17:48
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Okay, a bit long joke now:
A woman takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work. Her nine-year-old son comes home unexpectedly, so she puts him in the closet and shuts the door. Almost immediately after that, her husband also comes home, so she puts her lover in the closet with the little boy. The little boy says "Dark in here. The lover says "Yes, it is." Boy- "I have a baseball." Man- "That's nice." Boy- "Want to buy it?" Man- "No thanks." Boy- "My dad's outside." Man- "Okay, how much? Boy- "$25." A couple of weeks later, as no one learns from history, the man winds up in the closet with the boy, under the same circumstances. Boy- "Dark in here." Man- "Yes, it is." Boy- "I have a baseball mitt." The man remembers the last time this happened and cuts to the chase- "How much?" Boy- "$75" Man- "Fine." A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your ball and glove. Let's go outside and play some catch." The boy says, "I can't, I sold them." The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?" The boy replies, "$100." The father exclaims, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that! That's way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church, you need to go to confession." They go to the church and the father takes the little boy to the confessional booth and closes the door. Boy- "Dark in here." Priest- "Don't start that sh*t again." And another one: One day, a boy told by a classmate that most adults have secrets, and an easy way to get money from them is to say "I know the whole truth", even if that's not the case. He decised to try the scheme at home and says to his mother, "I know the whole truth" She quickly hands him $20 and says "not a word of this to your father" Pleased, the boy waits on the front steps for his father and greets him with "I know the whole truth" His father peels off two 20s and says "Just don't tell your mother" Next day, the boy tries his luck with the postman, "I know the whole truth" he says as the letter carrier approaches the porch. The mailman drops to his knees, opens his arms and says: "Then come and give daddy a big hug" ------------- "Music is much like f**king, but some composers can't climax and others climax too often, leaving themselves and the listener jaded and spent." Charles Bukowski |
Posted By: Bj-1
Date Posted: April 20 2006 at 18:09
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LAWL ------------- RIO/AVANT/ZEUHL - The best thing you can get with yer pants on! |
Posted By: Syzygy
Date Posted: April 20 2006 at 18:14
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What's Winnie the Pooh's middle name?
The ------------- 'Like so many of you I've got my doubts about how much to contribute to the already rich among us...' Robert Wyatt, Gloria Gloom |
Posted By: Tuzvihar
Date Posted: April 20 2006 at 18:44
 ------------- "Music is much like f**king, but some composers can't climax and others climax too often, leaving themselves and the listener jaded and spent." Charles Bukowski |
Posted By: jesperz
Date Posted: April 23 2006 at 06:16
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what is the difference between sin and shame? It is a sin to put it in, and its a shame to pull it out.. ------------- <<Dark side of Z' Drummination>> |
Posted By: Syzygy
Date Posted: April 23 2006 at 09:48
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What's the difference between light and hard?
It's possible to go to sleep with a light on. ------------- 'Like so many of you I've got my doubts about how much to contribute to the already rich among us...' Robert Wyatt, Gloria Gloom |
Posted By: Zepology101#2
Date Posted: April 23 2006 at 10:01
 that's disguting------------- I lost my account! You laugh at me because i'm different, I laugh at you because you're all the same |
Posted By: daz2112
Date Posted: April 23 2006 at 14:45
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I got banned from B&Q yesterday!Some geezer in orange dungarees asked me if i wanted decking? So i got the first punch in!!! ------------- In the constellation of cygnus,There lurks a mysterious force...The black hole |
Posted By: jesperz
Date Posted: April 24 2006 at 23:27
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Lol..guys... I don't know if you realise this but...Most of the ppl who spent lotsa time on the internet, the last babe they picked up was a JPEG! ------------- <<Dark side of Z' Drummination>> |
Posted By: daz2112
Date Posted: April 25 2006 at 14:22
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Went to the cash machine today & this little old lady asked me if i would check her balance!...................................So i pushed her over! ------------- In the constellation of cygnus,There lurks a mysterious force...The black hole |
Posted By: patomtz
Date Posted: April 25 2006 at 23:16
 ------------- I still can't get how Dream Theater music is created by humans Dream Theater in Monterrey, Mexico 03.03.06 Unforgettable 
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Posted By: jesperz
Date Posted: April 27 2006 at 12:27
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Why girls always get frustrated when dating with Proggy guys? Cause Prog Guys always late due to soloing too much before the date! Yeah i know.. Lame.. ------------- <<Dark side of Z' Drummination>> |
Posted By: daz2112
Date Posted: April 28 2006 at 14:19
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Somebody asked me if i've ever seen a man eating Tiger? I said no but i've seen a man eating chicken! ------------- In the constellation of cygnus,There lurks a mysterious force...The black hole |
Posted By: daz2112
Date Posted: May 15 2006 at 15:36
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Two gay cowboys,one says "yup" & the other one says "yep!"
Think about it! ------------- In the constellation of cygnus,There lurks a mysterious force...The black hole |
Posted By: daz2112
Date Posted: May 25 2006 at 16:16
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Prisoner in his cell says to prison officer" it's cold in this cell!" Officer says" i'll put another bar on for you!!" ------------- In the constellation of cygnus,There lurks a mysterious force...The black hole |
Posted By: daz2112
Date Posted: May 25 2006 at 16:18
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Sister Mary says to all the nun's at midnight "candle's out girl's" ...all you heard was schlurp!! ------------- In the constellation of cygnus,There lurks a mysterious force...The black hole |
Posted By: Flyingsod
Date Posted: May 27 2006 at 19:09
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A sandwich walks into a bar and the bartender yells "hey! we dont serve food in here" A pair of jumper cables walks into a bar and the bartender yells "Hey! don't start anything in here" A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says "hey pal, why the long face?" A contruction worker walks into a bar with a hunk of asphalt under his arms and yells to the bartender " give me a beer, and one for the road" Pirate walks into a bar with a steering whell hanging from his penis. the bartender yells out;"hey! theres a steering wheel on your penis" the pirate replies " "Argh, it's driving me nuts!" Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I think I've lost an electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes,I'm positive..." |
Posted By: Tuzvihar
Date Posted: May 28 2006 at 05:16
Disgusting... (as well as the one about gays)------------- "Music is much like f**king, but some composers can't climax and others climax too often, leaving themselves and the listener jaded and spent." Charles Bukowski |
Posted By: daz2112
Date Posted: May 28 2006 at 07:36
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What does a cow say what's got no lips??
oooooo! ------------- In the constellation of cygnus,There lurks a mysterious force...The black hole |
Posted By: daz2112
Date Posted: May 28 2006 at 16:01
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Two Boa Constrictors got married! Well they had a crush on each other!! ------------- In the constellation of cygnus,There lurks a mysterious force...The black hole |
Posted By: sbrushfan
Date Posted: May 29 2006 at 02:40
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What do you call a blonde with pigftails?
A blowjob with handlebars! ------------- Some world views are spacious, and some are merely spaced... |
Posted By: daz2112
Date Posted: May 30 2006 at 12:06
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^^^^^^ Like it!! ------------- In the constellation of cygnus,There lurks a mysterious force...The black hole |
Posted By: daz2112
Date Posted: May 30 2006 at 12:11
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A little boy was being read a bible story by his dad.
His dad read "the man named Lot was warned to take his wife & flee out of the city, but his wife turned back & was turned into a pillar of salt!" Worried the little boy asked, "What happened to the flea?"  ------------- In the constellation of cygnus,There lurks a mysterious force...The black hole |
Posted By: sbrushfan
Date Posted: June 01 2006 at 02:39
 ------------- Some world views are spacious, and some are merely spaced... |
Posted By: sbrushfan
Date Posted: June 01 2006 at 02:40
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What's the difference between a nun in a convent and a blonde in a bathtub? The nun has hope in her soul. ------------- Some world views are spacious, and some are merely spaced... |
Posted By: daz2112
Date Posted: June 02 2006 at 19:26
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What do you call a scotsman at the world cup?
The referee!! ------------- In the constellation of cygnus,There lurks a mysterious force...The black hole |
Posted By: arnold stirrup
Date Posted: June 03 2006 at 10:16
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A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Where's the bartender?" A guy goes to the doctor and the doctors examines him and says, "I'm sorry to tell you this, but you've got Tom Jones disease". The guy says, "Tom Jones disease? I've never heard of it. Is it rare?" The doc says, "It's not unusual". A guy calls his wife on the phone and says, "Honey, I'm at the hospital. I was in a terrible accident at work, and I cut off my finger!" The wife screams, "Oh my God, the whole finger?!?!" The guy says, "No, the one next to it." ------------- So much music. So little time. |
Posted By: Tiresias
Date Posted: June 03 2006 at 10:31
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/\ nice
Q: What's worse then biting into an apple and finding a half a worm inside of it?
A: The Holocaust.
Q: Why can't Helen Keller drive?
A: Because she's a woman!
------------- Wh'ghal ng'fth mglw'y Ry'leh, Cthulhu fhtagn... 
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Posted By: daz2112
Date Posted: June 06 2006 at 17:26
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What's got three legs & used to live on a farm??
The McCartney's ------------- In the constellation of cygnus,There lurks a mysterious force...The black hole |
Posted By: Publius84
Date Posted: June 07 2006 at 04:02
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A blonde comes to doctor with a frog on her head. Doctor ask: "What seem to be the problem, miss?". And frog answer: "Something sticked to my ass" ------------- I know what I like and I like what I know... Prog is in my heart, in my mind, in my soul... |
Posted By: daz2112
Date Posted: June 13 2006 at 14:46
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Two budgies sitting on a perch.....one says "can you smell fish?"
Think about it! ------------- In the constellation of cygnus,There lurks a mysterious force...The black hole |
Posted By: daz2112
Date Posted: June 13 2006 at 14:48
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Two fish in a tank,one says to the other " how do you drive this thing?" ------------- In the constellation of cygnus,There lurks a mysterious force...The black hole |
Posted By: Camel_APPeal
Date Posted: June 14 2006 at 12:01
That one reminded me this one:
A guy goes to the doctor and the doctor examines him and says, "I'm afraid you've got the Wilkinson desease...". The guy says: "Oh my...how bad is that?"
The doctor says: "We don't know yet, Mr. Wilkinson"
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Posted By: daz2112
Date Posted: June 14 2006 at 13:23
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2 cannibal's eating an indian meal & one says to the other "my nan's tough!" the other cannibal says " i should think so,she was 85 years old!" ------------- In the constellation of cygnus,There lurks a mysterious force...The black hole |
Posted By: daz2112
Date Posted: June 17 2006 at 18:23
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A ghost walks into a pub and says "i'd like a glass of whisky please" The barman says "sorry i don't serve spirits in here!" ------------- In the constellation of cygnus,There lurks a mysterious force...The black hole |
Posted By: Flyingsod
Date Posted: June 17 2006 at 23:45
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Spirits heh. I'll add that one to the list. What's the difference betwen a fox and a woman jogger? ones a cunning runt. |
Posted By: Australian
Date Posted: June 18 2006 at 04:52
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Michael Jackson is flying over the pacific with a group of children when the plane starts to fall, the pilot says to him "let’s go, quickly" Michele replies "What about the kids" The Pilots says "Screw the kids" Michele replies "Do we have Time?" My year 8 teacher told me that one. ------------- 
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Posted By: Australian
Date Posted: June 18 2006 at 04:56
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A blonde goes looking for Crocodile skin shoes. She stands in the water, shoots a crocodile and bends down to look at the feet then she says "damn this one wasn't wearing shoes either." -------------
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Posted By: daz2112
Date Posted: June 19 2006 at 15:20
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I saw a slug selling the Big Issue the other day.......... ------------- In the constellation of cygnus,There lurks a mysterious force...The black hole |
Posted By: daz2112
Date Posted: June 21 2006 at 14:39
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What's black & white & eats like a horse??
A Zebra! ------------- In the constellation of cygnus,There lurks a mysterious force...The black hole |
Posted By: daz2112
Date Posted: June 26 2006 at 13:54
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A lady puts her 2 twins up for adoption.A family from Spain have one & calls him Juan. The other family are from Egypt & call him Ahmal. A few years later she gets a photo sent from Juan. "I wish i could see what Ahmal looks like as well!" Her husband says"They're twins,once you've seen Juan you've seen Ahmal!!" ------------- In the constellation of cygnus,There lurks a mysterious force...The black hole |
Posted By: Vompatti
Date Posted: June 26 2006 at 14:31
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Posted By: daz2112
Date Posted: June 26 2006 at 14:34
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once you've seen one you've seen em all!! ------------- In the constellation of cygnus,There lurks a mysterious force...The black hole |
Posted By: daz2112
Date Posted: August 11 2006 at 14:08
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My dog's called Minton & the other day i saw him eating a load of shuttlecocks!! Badminton!!!! ------------- In the constellation of cygnus,There lurks a mysterious force...The black hole |