How about a thread of some of the more unique contributions to the reviews? While I don't necessarily want to single people out for ridicule, I think some really fascinatingly mystifying points of view have been submitted. Humor (intentional or unintentional), bizarre observations, or just plain missing the point entirely would be good criteria. Even some of the more warped web-translations would work (I, for one, have come to look forward to andrea salvador's submissions).

Here's some recent examples to get us started:

YES - Fragile
Review by penguindf12 @ 6:01:53 PM EST, 8/11/2004

  —   Great album. Excellent. But it's just not Pink Floyd. It would be a five-star in my opinion if I could find out the concept of it or the theme here. I assume it has one? Maybe I'm just nieve, but I can't figure out the lyrical meaning behind the excellent music. If someone could point me to the purpose of the album, please do.

YES - Fragile
Review by andrea salvador @ 8:32:32 AM EST, 8/11/2004

  —   To say it is a perfect album is to say null! The masterpiece of true Yes! One of the album more influential than all the rock! Perfect in all, from the first one to last second of music, with the musicians who exceed themselves and sound and one recording truly perfect! That other to say... If you did not know that it exists, I would not believe to us... This is music... This are Yes!

Love this one:

RUSH Rush - In Rio
Review by http://www.progarchives.com/Collaborators.asp?id=22 - Ian Gledhill @ 2:15:05 PM EST, 2/14/2004
PROG REVIEWER
 —  This is one repeatedly overated band who, along with the likes of the rolling stones should have packed it in years ago. The last time I listened to this band was when I was in high school. For eggheads only.

I guess I'm an egghead!

Me too, Arbiter. I'm the biggest 'egghead' of the all. Rush are my top group and that review is not a review at all. It should not have been posted. Not because I disagree with it  but because it doesn't actually say anything. He doesn't say what is so awful about the product he is reviewing, or the artist generally.

Now I'm under the impression, correct me if I'm wrong, that you have to have some kind of credibility around here to write reviews for Progarchives????? Well he certainly didn't.

I'd like to have a go myself. At least I wouldn't sl*g the artists off, or worse still those who appreciate the artist

Arbiter wrote: Love this one: RUSH Rush - In Rio Review by http://www.progarchives.com/Collaborators.asp?id=22 - Ian Gledhill @ 2:15:05 PM EST, 2/14/2004 PROG REVIEWER  —  This is one repeatedly overated band who, along with the likes of the rolling stones should have packed it in years ago. The last time I listened to this band was when I was in high school. For eggheads only. I guess I'm an egghead!

This review does not meet the ProgArchive guidelines, which clearly state that a review should be 50 words or more. This clocks in at a mere 40...

Who are you calling pedantic?

oh, if you could find that it would be wonderful...a perfect example of why I started this thread

if I can rationalize all the time it's gonna take, I'll start combing through the individual album sections looking for appropriate entries. I'm just that kind of egghead...

here's one that should be familiar to several recent forum-crawlers. Call it a re-issue

PINK FLOYD Dark Side of the Moon, The
Review by andrea salvador @ 4:34:28 PM EST, 6/28/2004

 —  "The Dark Side Of The Moon" has one of plus commercial LP ot the history of music! For me not a bud LP but not has a historical LP as history have say!!! I rack my brains but i don't can to imagine this magic arts in this LP! For this reason I consider this album is a black album of 70's!!!!!

James,

There's a few on the language thread...

my personal favorite in the repeated misspelling category:

PINK FLOYD Piper at the Gates of Dawn, The
Review by noiyz @ 12:48:21 PM EST, 4/8/2004

 —  This albulm sounds like garbage. I don't care how innovative it was, it sounds terrible now. The songs don't have any of the meaning that later PF has. All of the songs here are trivial nonsense. Barret was not a genius. This albulm is *AWFUL*. It is not only one of the worst PF albulm's I've heard, it's one of the worst albulms I've ever heard. The songs on this albulm lack coherence. The noise (I mean music) is irritating. The whole albulm is goofy.

Easy Livin wrote: James, There's a few on the language thread...

I was thinking of re-posting both the "steeve" IQ review or the "Brad alexa" Dream Theater review; both are so moronically offensive they've achieved a certain distinction.

good grief, I'm worn out and I haven't even finished the Pink Floyd section. Here's one that could never be accused of damning with faint praise:

PINK FLOYD The Wall
Review by Alan @ 11:07:03 PM EST, 2/3/2004

 —  Simply, the most intellegent, most emotionally poweful, best-conceived and executed Rock album ever. Indeed, this is not merely a brialliant rock album, not even a magnum opus, but an artistic and intellectual acheivement on the same level as Tolstoy's War and Peace, Ingmar Bergan's 'Seventh Seal', and Beethoven's 9th Symphony. Roger Waters has here provided, in a rock-opera format, a contemporary companion to Marx's 'Capital' for understanding our selves and our collective past.

All the more interesting due to the fact that the review he's responding to is no longer visible. By the way, all the reviews I'm posting are in their entirety- I wouldn't want to miss a coherent thought by printing something out of context

PINK FLOYD Dark Side Of The Moon (30th anniversary edition)
Review by spencer @ 8:19:45 PM EST, 1/15/2004

 —  look at the blokes name below.sums him up perfectly.mr.dippy,you stick to people like the spice girls and west life.i would hate to see your cd collection.i can just imagine you,in your renault 5,windows down,sunglasses,stupid haircut and listning to jungle fall blast.you really know your music dont you?

absolutely wonderful- just posted today...it must be fate

DREAM THEATER - Through Her Eyes
Review by Fan @ 5:26:21 AM EST, 8/14/2004

  —   Good! But it's not really single! It's a mini album. When Images and Word Unite is a Pearl for fans. But I think also a great single for the others. I interising at this group and I think then Dream Theater (ex Majesty) are the best. I like throught her eyes with John Petrucci very soft. Rudess, ohhhhhhh. hallo! Bye bye. I little little speak English. I think then you have understand anything. Sorry, but I am Italian fan. W Dream theater and prog. metal / rock Ciao Ciao Ciao. Vi voglio bene :D Bye bye bye Good Night I'm Finish.

Dream Theater seem to attract some colourful reviews:

DREAM THEATER Train Of Thought
Review by Gian @ 5:21:52 PM EST, 8/1/2004
 —  this is the worst album from Dream theater, dont listen to this. Money is the objective of this album and I think this is the end of DT's Progressive albuns. Lots of maximum score for this NEW METAL album, doesn't make sense. Please guys, listen to good music, not a album like this, just because you're fans. If you're really fans of DT dont listen, dont buy, and dont talk never about Train of Thought.

DREAM THEATER Train Of Thought
Review by Miles Eadie @ 9:31:43 PM EST, 8/7/2004

 —  This album is amazing! One of Dream Theater's best work, by far! Dream Theater is the best band of all time! ----------------------- PLEASE, THE LAST THING I WANT TO DO IS TO GET SICK OF DREAM THEATER'S MUSIC! SO IF SOMEONE OUT THERE KNOWS OF A GOOD BAND THAT CAN EVEN BE COMPAIRED TO DREAM THEATER, PLEASE TELL ME! AND I'VE CHECKED OUT TONS OF BANDS THAT DON'T EVEN COMPAIR TO DREAM THEATER! SO PLEASE TELL ME! AND I DON'T MEAN PROGRESSIVE BANDS THAT HAVE SINGERS WITH EXTREMELY HIGH VOICES, LIKE, ANGRA! AND I DON'T MEAN ANY KORNY BANDS LIKE SYMPHONY X!----------- ---------- So please guys, help me out!

DREAM THEATER Train Of Thought
Review by Leandro Del Prete @ 4:07:54 PM EST, 4/25/2004

 —  In disagree with the most of the reviews here, I think this is a great album indeed, heavy just like a heavy metal fan likes it. Combined with the inconfundible progressive style of DT, it makes this album a sweet temptation. James Labrie, you're not James Hetfield!! But you do it as good as him, don't worry!!

 

(Inconfundible!)

 

DREAM THEATER Train Of Thought
Review by tr_club @ 4:45:37 AM EST, 4/2/2004

 —  it is such a good album,but not best...i think its too metal and skilfull, for someone who likes prog..it is very unlike and discusting..but..for us..and one who love metal music..PLIS..BUY IT...IF U NOT BUY......DOPE!!!!

And some more of Andrea's

EMERSON LAKE & PALMER (ELP) Emerson, Lake & Powell
Review by andrea salvador @ 2:13:02 PM EST, 7/27/2004
 —  I know that Cozy Powell the best given it with Raimbow and Whitesnake but also to me it appeals to here. And to sincere being creed that is a advanced album. I consider in fact "The Mireacle" and "Learnig To Fly" two masterpieces. "Mars, Bringer Of War" is the another piece of resumed classic music from ours, only that now the result is advanced to the usual. Finally one consideration: in the Apocalyptic Prog, better ELP or Rick Wakeman? Ardous to choose, even if ELP are sincerer.

GENTLE GIANT Gentle Giant
Review by andrea salvador @ 4:30:21 PM EST, 7/14/2004
 —  You to make one's debut some therefore I did not have never you feel yourself! That album and above all that song ("Giant" is a masterpiece! "Nothing At All", "Funny Ways" and "Alucard" are not from less!) considerating that group was to the first crews. They are sincere because creed that never a group can make from endured album therefore perfect.

THE MOODY BLUES To our Children's Children's Children
Review by andrea salvador @ 1:18:21 PM EST, 7/3/2004
 —  This album is one of plus convinced album of progressive rock.The Moody Blues is one of firsts band of progressive and I consider this band one of plus serious band in this genre. To our Children's Children's Children's is an album with suggestion capacity, but the sound of the album is poor. But I consider this deficiency one of plus convinced good shape of the adolescent period of progressive. All song convinced me in one mix of many emotions, but my favourites songs are "Candle Of Life", "Eyes Of A Child" (1 & 2) and "I Never Though I'd Live To Be A Million". Thi album is a magical album and I consider this album one of plus excellent project of adolescent progressive and The Moody Blues an immortal band!!!

PINK FLOYD Dark Side of the Moon, The
Review by andrea salvador @ 4:34:28 PM EST, 6/28/2004

 —  "The Dark Side Of The Moon" has one of plus commercial LP ot the history of music! For me not a bud LP but not has a historical LP as history have say!!! I rack my brains but i don't can to imagine this magic arts in this LP! For this reason I consider this album is a black album of 70's!!!!!

 

Arbiter wrote: Love this one: RUSH Rush - In Rio Review by http://www.progarchives.com/Collaborators.asp?id=22 - Ian Gledhill @ 2:15:05 PM EST, 2/14/2004 PROG REVIEWER  —  This is one repeatedly overated band who, along with the likes of the rolling stones should have packed it in years ago. The last time I listened to this band was when I was in high school. For eggheads only. I guess I'm an egghead!

Along those same lines, from that same reviewer...

PORCUPINE TREE Lightbulb Sun
Review by http://www.progarchives.com/Collaborators.asp?id=22 - Ian Gledhill @ 10:12:25 PM EST, 4/27/2004
PROG REVIEWER
 —  Do not buy. Stay away from any material from this band. If I could have I would have given this a negative 5 star rating. I hope I can recover a fair portion of the $23 I wasted on this CD at the second hand CD shop.

Fitzcarraldo wrote: I can't find now the ProgArchives review that has amused me most so far. It consisted of a single word: "mierda" (sh*t in Spanish). The antithesis of my longer, rambling reviews. I know we should explain *why* we think something is una mierda, but perhaps sometimes "less is more".

I think the album was Shark Sandwich by Spinal Tap.....?  (    )

Dick Heath wrote: Arbiter wrote: For eggheads only. I guess I'm an egghead! Methinks the original reviewer has no clue what an egghead is..........................

I've been called worse...

Great thread Dick! (err, James!)

my only quibble is that Steve Miller's production was actually pretty muddy right up to at least "Fly Like an Eagle" (1976). "Rock Love" is especially grungy, which is too bad because it was his last really interesting album. 

I'm off to lick daisies and drink some tea now!

Ah but who remembers Eliott's reviews of Renaissance albums? I suspect he thought they were too folksy and poppy, but why didn't he say so? (I suspect he fancied Annie Haslam really!)

RENAISSANCE Ashes Are Burning
Review by Eliott Minkovitch @ 10:57:45 AM EST, 6/8/2004
 —  Like with all their albums - vocals are annoying, music is uninspired, too folksy and poppy, not progressive enough, long tracks lack development, instrumentally weak. Very Boring. Try Earth And Fire or Curved Air - great female vocalists, and much better classical/folk/progressive integration.

RENAISSANCE Turn Of The Cards
Review by Eliott Minkovitch @ 10:58:34 AM EST, 6/8/2004
 —  Like with all their albums - vocals are annoying, music is uninspired, too folksy and poppy, not progressive enough, long tracks lack development, instrumentally weak. Very Boring. Try Earth And Fire or Curved Air - great female vocalists, and much better classical/folk/progressive integration.

RENAISSANCE Prologue
Review by Eliott Minkovitch @ 10:52:24 AM EST, 6/8/2004

 —  A weak album by progressive standards - too much folkish influences, sprinkled with some Rachmaninov-sounding piano, but it does not really fuse with the sound. Songs uninspired and boring, longer songs relying on jams rather than on real development. Shorter songs poppy and folky. Haslam's vocals annoyngly piercing at times, other times sleepily folksy. Not progressive at all.

I gotta hand it to old eliott- three reviews in 6 minutes is pretty impressive. Sometimes it takes me that long just to...

...finish a sentence.

I see Andrea Salvador is back with some more classics!

http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001">

I just had to post these in here for posterity - my aching sides!!

(To be utterly fair, I blame Babelfish...)

STRAWBS - From the Witchwood
Review by andrea salvador @ 11:25:56 AM EST, 8/18/2004
  —   To good reason the Strawbs would gain the prize for the truest and sincere contamination of the English Folk. In fact knowing mine that listen alone English Folk he adores they and I that I listen nearly only Progressive can not to confirm! "From The Witchwood" is an optimal way in order to return behind in the time and to come catapult in the Sherwood Forest with Robin Hood!

ANGRA - Lisbon (single)
Review by andrea salvador @ 11:47:29 AM EST, 8/18/2004
  —   I admit that i do not love the singles, but this it appeals to me truly. The problem of "Fireworks" LP is that he is mediocre and second me is exited in the mistaken moment. "Lisbon" is a song too much POP. But it is the best song of "Fireworks" and for this it is right to use it in order to promote this LP. beautiuful also "Make Believe (acoustic)" however they better song in absolute and "Angels Cry (demo)". However, I repeat, this is one released to take with motivatings force, because a single one cannot be judged, although excellent like this. But there is always Andre Matos and this enough to judge it.

JETHRO TULL - 20 Years Of Jethro Tull (USA release)
Review by andrea salvador @ 11:11:03 AM EST, 8/18/2004

  —   Of usual the compilations they are for completists. Not this, because it contains various songs recorded or played for BBC to the end of '60. moreover while many compilations play the paper of the stranger succes, this introduces us an other side of Jethro Tull. Finally, although it is not they better LP, it must admit that often after some LP one is based to us, but this is not very for this chance.

 

 

URIAH HEEP - Live in Moscow
Review by andrea salvador @ 1:01:55 PM EST, 8/17/2004

  —   It is not sure historical live, but "Live In Moscow" slides like the water, doing good its it must. It is a typical live album of the '80 and this penalized it. But being recorded in Moscow it becomes historical live that would not have to lack to nobody. Here Uriah Heep demostrates its new genius because it has open roads. Sure Uriah Heep do not have to teach null and of this Uriah Heep must go of fairs.

 

 

URIAH HEEP - Uriah Heep - Live
Review by andrea salvador @ 12:50:30 PM EST, 8/17/2004

  —   "Sunrise", "Sweet Lorraine", "Traveller In Time","Look At Yourself", "July Morning" and "Easy livin'" are songs that difficultly exit from the head. This is not true Prog-Metal, but something much neighbor because to that age this meant pure experimentation! You add best line-up of Uriah Heep and then you say to me if it is not true that this live nearly perfect... To good conoisseur... Litle words.

 

"the prize for the truest and sincere contamination of the English Folk"

andrea + babelfish = poetic genius!

"To good conoisseur... Litle words."

James Lee wrote: However, the final sentence is very important- apparently the pog craze is returning, which is good news for all of you who have boxes of the things stashed away next to your Pokemon and Episode One collectibles

Hahaha, I remember pogs!

Certif1ed wrote: I see Andrea Salvador is back with some more classics!

If he/she only knew what's been going around here...

I honestly feel sad for Andrea, she really wants to do good reviews,and translating this puzzles to spanish, I believe she does a decent job.

But if Altavista translator doesn't translate syntax well, much less will translate ideas.

Iván

Excuse me people, but how dare you sit there and take the piss out of Andrea? You bunch of f**king hypocrites! How you all made me squirm for posting the following;

 "Your review, much like your command of English, is very poor"

I was attacked from all sides and was actually accused of xenophobia (talk about an over-reaction).

I am not impressed!

Nooooo!

These are reviews that stand out, not a pure Mickey-take!

I totally realise that Babelfish is to blame for the results that we're having a bit of a giggle about, but you can plainly see that Andrea has tried to give considered and lyrical (if somewhat short) reviews.

But you're right, Em.

I'll take it a step further- the last andrea review I read sounded like poetry to me; I could read a hundred reviews and not come away with anything but information (if that much). When I read his/ hers, I often come away thinking about the abstract intricacies of language structure and the imagery behind word choice. This whole thread is about reviews that make an impression beyond what they say about the band and the album; while some may offer little but humor at the writer's expense, most are either personally expressive or intriguingly surreal. I can say all I want about an album, or the history of the band, or how it relates to music in general, but I would never think to write "many compilations play the paper of the stranger success". Between andrea and the translation code we are given a phrase that is hauntingly evocative- a collaboration between man and machine to produce something greater than either alone could have done.

But the thing about the pogs was pure humor

That Clint Eastwood quote is very apt - so I think that reviews whether positive or negative should at least;

1) Conform to site rules and contain at least 50 words.

2) Express some truths beyond the reviewer's opinion.

3) Be carefully thought out, interesting and humourous (optional, but I like reviews that fit this category!).

To just cast aside an album with one scathing sentence is not to review it, IMHO. Opinions are an essential part of reviews - but if you're going to administer some slap down, I think a few considered facts would be polite and a way to "sugar the pill" - after all, this is a prog site with many prog fans of many prog bands, so someone is going to complain about their favourite album getting a roasting - and why stir it up unless it's clearly for fun or to make a valid point - in which case the review should attempt to make that clear.

I definitely do not think that all reviewers should shower golden praise on all that is prog - except for "Script..."

Vibrationbaby wrote: I find that you guys just want to read good things about the bands you really like.

We're fine with reading bad things about bands we like, we would just like to have an idea of why it is these people don't like them.  I mean, I disagreed with that Larry Landberg guy's opinions on Foxtrot and And Then There Were Three, but he backed that opinion up very well, so I can easily accept that.  Just saying "anyone who listens to this band is an egghead" hardly gives anyone an idea of what's wrong with said band, and it's not going to give anyone who does like that band an idea of what you consider wrong with them.

James Lee wrote: ASIA - Axioms Review by Redhead @ 3:32:37 PM EST, 8/18/2004   —   This Asia compilation really doesnt count,as their original albums are quite enough in terms of real progmusic.....so Mr.Bob Mc best off. leave it!! Everything Best of... actually are the record companys benefit!! They earn a lot of money!! And we the fans....are left with an empty pocket!! Avoid best of/greatest hits albums!!! Have a nice pog summer!!   Here we have vague abuse (I think- what do you say, Bob?), no sense that they have actually heard the album (or the two new tracks Bob mentioned specifically), and a small warning about compilations. I don't think anybody needs to be told what greatest hits albums are all about. However, the final sentence is very important- apparently the pog craze is returning, which is good news for all of you who have boxes of the things stashed away next to your Pokemon and Episode One collectibles   http://www.badfads.com/pages/collectibles/pogs.html - http://www.badfads.com/pages/collectibles/pogs.html

Guilty as charged (for it is I, Bob McBeath, or "Bob McBest-of" as the reviewer witily states)

I have been labouring the compilation reviews of late. Problem is, there's loads of them on the list of unreviewed albums Max posted. I can feel another thread coming on about the value or otherwise of compilations, and whether they should be included on this site.

Vibrationbaby wrote: I find that you guys just want to read good things about the bands you really like. There are bands that I love but when they put out what I call a dud it deserves a bad review.for example I love the Hungarian band Omega but in the 1980`s they went, well, pop, I gave Omega 11 a bomb .See some of my other reviews. Also check out my wife`s review on Gentle Giant Octopus. If someone doesn`t like Dark Side ( I myself love it, great album to have sex to ) then he /she is entitled to voice their particular opinion and it is up to the reader of the review to decide for themselves by comparing other reviwes to that particular review. Like Clint Eastwood said in a Dirty Harry film opinions are like a-holes, everyone has one. This to me is even a dumber thread than the Mariah thread.

Like Marshall McLuhan said in Annie Hall, "You know nothing of my work!". I'm going to need you to re-read my original post stating the goal of this thread (or any of the majority of posts here which have no judgement on the bands discussed in the quoted reviews) before you call it dumb. I have no control over whether some members want to use it to defend or attack specific points of view; I'm just trying to find examples which are either so off the point that they can't even be called reviews or examples of communications gone awry. I find that infinitely more fascinating, for instance, than discussing which album was Genesis' last real prog album (for the nth time), or what the exact definition of 'prog' is.

I was more concerned that people would think I was having a laugh at someone else's expense. However, even if we assume for a moment that your concept of this thread is correct, why shouldn't we have a thread to respond to opinions expressed in reviews? This is a music review site, and this is the music review site discussion board, so what better place to discuss the reviews? In fact, to be blunt about it, this review site discussion board spends very little time actually talking about the reviews which (I'll say it again) are the main purpose of the site. Let me rephrase this concept, as I don't want it to be misunderstood (like the concept of this thread was misunderstood): ProgArchives.com is a progressive rock review website, and the discussion forum spends almost no time discussing the reviews. This is one of the few threads that does. Got it? Do you still find fault?

If you're having a bad day, don't take it out on my thread

This is a review forum?

 I thought this was a social club for the socially inept.

OR is that musically sophisticated?

Some interesting points there Vibe.

True intamacy with a work will almost always only be gained if you enjoy the music, and therefore want to hear it on a regular basis. Would this preclude you from reviewing "seriously", an album you were not so keen on?

I think most of the reviews here will have been given a fair bit of thought. We all listen on different levels though, and the reviews we submit will be written accordingly. Personally, I don't enjoy reviews so much if they are too "technical". I'm not that interested whether a tune has 4 bars or 5, whether its an A-B-A-C-A-B or a A-C-A-C-B. A technical review may reveal that the music has been well put together from an academic point of view, but it doesn't tell me if I'll actually like it. Its what the reviewer feels about the music, and why they feel it, which I'm interested in. As you imply, some people are better at expressing that than others.

Track by track reviews can be interesting, but I often find I glance over them after the first couple of tracks. I prefer ones which give me a flavour of the album as a whole, perhaps mentioning specific high and low points.

I like to read critical reviews too. A well written adverse review is probably harder to compose than for an album you enjoy. It's easy to say "this is rubbish" it's much more difficult to explain constuctively why you think it's rubbish.

I think your Porcupine Tree etc. reviews may have been taken seriously because they did not show the reviewer's name as the one we all know as Vibrationbaby!

I'm all for reviewing reviews, but since we have so many different ways of approaching music I don't think it could ever be anything more than sharing your personal 'this is how I look at it' method. I've experimented with strict song component analysis, which is good for determining the skills of the band- it's like standardized testing for music. I've tried putting bands and albums in perspective with current or historical elements, which is nice to pin down influences and figure out what (if anything) they were reacting to. I've also tried going by emotion alone- my Moody Blues reviews have more to do with a nostalgic response to the music than their overall worth or their place in prog. I've even tried getting high and seeing where the music takes me (not a bad approach for the wilder ends of the spectrum, although I like to do some editing before I submit anything from these sessions). I've even toyed with the idea of giving red herring reviews...saying the exact opposite of how I feel, with subtle humor, to see if anyone gets it.

And after all of it, my reviews ultimately have no more worth than any of the ones featured on this thread. In fact, my review output has dwindled considerably because I am losing the passion (to borrow VB's phrase) to talk about music. Most of the people who are willing (or driven) to discuss music simply do not have much to say. Even the best of them typically appear only to render their judgement and then vanish with little thought for feedback...whether I'm among the better ones or not, I can see the motivation: you get frustrated when people miss the point, go off on tangents, or bow to majority opinion for the sake of genial compromise. When I started with the site I was excited about having a conversation about music and trading insights with a group of informed people; now I find that the smart ones rarely say anything and we're just going over the same tired topics and statements. With respect, the "opinions are like a-holes" theory is one of those...I wonder how many interesting conversations that sort of statement has deflated.

I thought this thread would be a nice left-turn, to have some fun discussing reviews that don't lend themselves to the usual responses. I guess in hindsight I should be surprised it took three pages to get this point.

This is a review forum?

 I thought this was a social club for the socially inept.

OR is that musically sophisticated?

Vibrationbaby wrote: danbo wrote: This is a review forum?  I thought this was a social club for the socially inept. OR is that musically sophisticated? I`m socially inept very socially inept, just ask my dogs. Oh yeah, and my wife too.

Us too! Where's yer pic, BTW?

Anyobody ever tell you that you look like...oh yeah, we've done that

I can't find a pic with both me and my wife AND the bulldogs (someone has to press the button) so you'll have to settle for two bulldogs, a cat, and my broken-nosed doughboy presence on the couch.

Photos with pets, eh? Here's me with my babies. They don't need much walking but they do need looking after! (ps Danbo, don't bust me man...)(pps, Holland is the true "land of the free".)

http://photobucket.com/albums/v423/emdiar/?action=view&current=DSC02111.jpg">

I think someone has been taking note!

It's definitely worth discussing the reviews - if discussions like this mean that we get more reviews of this quality, then it's worth it, IMO. After all, we don't want to end up like Ama..., I mean, other review sites, do we?;

JETHRO TULL - A Passion Play
Review by The Mentalist @ 9:13:21 PM EST, 8/22/2004

  —   A Passion to Tull's play as creed undoubtedly is best not of bad by any means. Some of the complex as prog is only not as that by creed. Tull lovers split separate over meaning this before that. Spectacles aside hair is better than most songs sung lost or found by kangaroo in prog pouch. -- Review by Bablefish Just kidding, folks. Couldn't resist it. Here's my real review although there's no guarantee it'll make any more sense that my mock Bablefish review. . .creed! A Passion play is undoubtedly Tull's finest hour. Not that they haven't produce a lot of fantastic album, it's just that this one is by far the most intense and ingenious thing Ian Anderson and Co have ever come up with....

Vibrationbaby wrote: If you ask me the best reviews come from Peter Rideout. They are by far the Rolls Royces of reviews because they involve  a certain amount of thought.

Thank you for the very kind compliments, Vibe!

I try....

More environmentally unfriendly, gas-guzzling, ostentacious, archaic, overpriced, glitzy, overlong, poor handling, but powerful and chauffeur-driven reviews upcoming!

This is just begging for inclusion:

PALLAS - The Cross And The Crucible
Review by James D Hill @ 1:05:57 AM EST, 8/27/2004

  —   Neo prog filled that void between Pink Floyd The Wall and Anglagard Hybris and Im greatfull because that era sucked but neo prog by definition is a watered down version of prog and is lacking in many ways.Why do so many neo prog band think they are Genesis?It seems to be a pattern.By the way they forgot the details that made Genesis great.No matter its still good.

Neo Prog sucks - Pallas is Neo Prog - This album's great, buy it.

Makes perfect sense.....

I just had to put this one in here

http://www.progarchives.com/Progressive_rock_discography_CD.asp?cd_id=4829 - BILL BRUFORD'S EARTHWORKS - The Sound of Surprise
Review by James D Hill @ 11:24:43 PM EST, 8/25/2004

  —   What in the heck is one of the best prog drummers of all time doing playing jazz?I have respect for jazz but its not progressive rock and I can only take so much of it.To me most jazz sounds like there making it up as they go which is good in small doses but I get bored. sorry.

Dick Heath wrote: Peter my mentor, welcome back

Hello Mr. Heath!

"Mentor?"

Thanks!

Your insightful reviews and thoughtful posts continue to impress!

See you on the reviews page,

P.

HI PETE, THIS IS CÉSAR INCA.

As a welcome gesture, I transcribe my latest contribution for teh Archives - my review of Mastermind's 'Until Eternity'. (I only hope this one does not stand out)

"Mastermind's fourth album finds them moving forward into the increasing amount of jazz rock elements into their prog sound, which until their Vol. 3 consisted basically of a combination of symphonic grandeur (a la ELP & Kansas) and metal prog fire, with some notches of AOR melodic drive. The jazz thing is clearly present and developed in 'Inferno' and 'Jubilee', as well as some parts of the closing namesake suite. Curious thing: the main lead guitar theme that kicks off the opening track 'Under the Wheels' is pretty crimsonian, with a wicked metal twist, making it both spectacular and challenging. One way or another, the listener suspects from this moment that nothing can go wrong with the rest of teh album, and it's certainly true - paving the way for the jazz fusion splendour of 'Excelsior!' (IMHO, their best effort ever), this repertoire manages to portray a varied spectrum of musical ideas within the confines of Mastermind's prototypical pompous sound, as it is shown in 'The Tempest' and the namesake suite. Other tracks such as 'Dreaming' are more AOR oriented, allowing some fresh air in order to occasionally relieve the listener from the predominant sonic "oppression". Given the fact that the jazz factor becomes more obvious and more important, the rhythm section is given opportunity to shine in a more sophisticated way than in the band's previous albums (which were not really easy-playing, of course). Yet, it is guitarist extraordinaire Bill Berends who remains the frontman in the instrumental ensamble; always expanding himself on his normal electric guitar and using clever midi tricks in order to create a symphonic amalgam. A great album this is, so I regard it as an excellent addition to any good prog collection."

some more man + machine phenomenelogical poetry from the master :

BLACKMORE'S NIGHT - Shadow of the Moon
Review by andrea salvador @ 1:24:34 PM EST, 8/30/2004

  —   If mistresses middle age and renaissance the Blackmore's Night are what ago for you. I then that I am a lover of the castles (above all those of my region, Friuli Venezia Giulia) I cannot not love them. Optimal sonorous column for a visit to an ancient castle is one. And then the voice of Candice is amazing and Ritchie does not have need of presentations, for which... Too good conoisseur, little words!

HAWKWIND - Silver Machine
Review by andrea salvador @ 12:39:46 PM EST, 8/30/2004

  —   You want become an idea of what are the Hawkwind? Here an infallible mathod! This compilation very is made and is sufficently exhausting. Unfortunately it is too much trades them, but in order an idea of what is made is able (repeats) enough and is left over... Not only for fans!

 

HAWKWIND - In Search Of Space
Review by andrea salvador @ 12:26:27 PM EST, 8/30/2004

  —   Sincerely: a spaces album them! The fear that puts a piece as "You Shouldn't Do That" is only. But more allegroes are also pieces (?) like "We Took The Wrong Step Years Ago". Personally, moreover, I love also "Master Of THe Universe" and bonus traks "Silver Machine" and "Born To Go". Finally creed that the electronic inseriments and sax parts of Nick Turner are beastly, like the ritmic parts. Mad absolute Masterpiece!

One thing I must say about Andrea, she's persistent.

Also one thing I must say about online translation programs, ALL SUCK.

Iván

Peter Rideout wrote: Your insightful reviews and thoughtful posts continue to impress! See you on the reviews page, P.

 You are ever so kind - but we can't carry on with the mutual backslapping

As one of the older pharts here, with (approaching) 37 years of prog music/prog rock experience (even so, far from comprehensive), I'm compelled to correct illusions, false assumptions and in particular misconceptions about the early days - but equally I value others' opinions (especially if I get introduced to bands/albums missed the first time around). And one think I've discovered over the months I've been here, is much to my surprise (from an old youngster point of view), I reckon I've have a  more liberally attitude/acceptance to what is prog, compared to many younger folk - I guess in the mid to late 60's anything rockwise that was innovative was thought of as progressive, there were no other conventions/rules. It is good to remind folks that Canned Heat would have been included amongst the progressives, with Krimson, Renaissance, Moody Blues, Soft Machine and the johnnies come later, Yes and Genesis.

This was posted later .Harsh words but I agree with the basic sentiment of it

http://www.progarchives.com/Progressive_rock_discography_CD.asp?cd_id=2636"> EMERSON LAKE & PALMER (ELP) - Emerson, Lake & Powell
Review by Andy Robinson @ 8:52:10 AM EST, 9/1/2004

  —   Drivel. Cozy Powell clearly needed money and Emmerson and Lake clearly needed to get an album out - maybe for contractual reasons. So whats wrong with it? The musicianship? No. Keith Emmerson is unlikely to play like a baboon! Cozy Powell drums like a gorilla banging a wheelybin with mallets as usual, but you have to expect that. Its the collage of crap ideas, and comical pomposity that makes this album almost unlisternable. 'The score' starts positive enough. It sounds exciting then all of a sudden Emmerson breaks into the most awful and innapropriate fake trumpet riff. It ceases to be 'rock music' at that point, IMO, at least until Greg Lake rescues the day with the first verse, about two days into the song. In all fairness 'The score' is probably the best tune on the album, followed by 'The Miracle' and 'Touch and go' the latter which was a single, which went rather unfairly, I felt, ignored by the British record buying public. Pompous though it was it was dead catchy! The good news stops there. 'Learning how to fly' sounds like Dido at half speed. You can almost hear how bored Greg Lake is as he yawns his way through this mundane, characterless piece of muzak. The rest of the album is plain boring. Then you get 'Mars the bringer of War' Gustav Holst starts to breakdance in his grave as this ponderous trio tear his classic music to bits with synthetic pings, and fake orchestral boings! Then the crowing sh!t on the dung heap has to be 'Loco-motion' Yes, thats right it is THE 'Loco-motion' Done ELP style. Imagine it. Painful. This is for ELP fans only, and I would imagine plenty of them must have felt somewhere between heartbroken and greatly amused at it

The mystery continues.

NEW TROLLS - New Trolls '70
Review by andrea salvador @ 4:19:13 PM EST, 9/1/2004

  —   It is not a progressive album, but one collection of published songs on 45 turns. But it is the beautifulst album, because us extension all the technique for which are famous the New Trolls. Therefore, if in music tried feeling and excellent technique this is that ago for you. Useless to describe a song instead of an other because they are the all beautifulst ones. It listens to you and then you say to me.

Easy Livin wrote: EMERSON LAKE & PALMER (ELP) Emerson, Lake & Powell Review by tranny prog dude @ 8:03:02 AM EST, 9/1/2004  —  stop whingeing you prog fools (adrix) you knob. this is a rocking great album, powell simply blows palmer away! my advice is to not listen to adix's advice and go get this disc and whack it up LOUD it rocks!!!   I've also posted Adrix's review below. He also gives the album 4 stars, compliments Cozy Powell, and says "my advice is to listen to it". I dread to think of the tongue lashing and abuse he'd have got from TPD if he'd posted a bad review!   EMERSON LAKE & PALMER (ELP) Emerson, Lake & Powell Review by AdRiX @ 4:38:42 PM EST, 1/31/2004  —  A very good album: Cozy Powel filled nicely the position of Carl Plamer with a very different style, Lake sings well here, and Emerson is... Emerson. The only aspect I don't like is the sound: boomy drums and voice with way too much reverb. Anyway, my advice is listen to it!

I'm more interested in whether 'tranny prog dude' is a transvestite or transmission mechanic...I hate to deal in stereotypes but most of the transvestites I know have pretty bad taste in music (pop divas, mainly, and the lamest kinds of house music) and ELPowell would actually be a step up from that. On the other hand, if he were a mechanic we can shudder at the image of ELPowell being blasted in an echoing garage while green fluid oozes out onto the cement floor...

James Lee wrote: The mystery continues. NEW TROLLS - New Trolls '70 Review by andrea salvador @ 4:19:13 PM EST, 9/1/2004   —   It is not a progressive album, but one collection of published songs on 45 turns. But it is the beautifulst album, because us extension all the technique for which are famous the New Trolls. Therefore, if in music tried feeling and excellent technique this is that ago for you. Useless to describe a song instead of an other because they are the all beautifulst ones. It listens to you and then you say to me.   Questions:   1. is 'andrea' a she (as in Andrea Dworkin...hmm, odd example) or a he (as in Andreas Kisser of Sepultura)?   2. is s/he using an electronic translator (the spelling question a few posts ago raises a doubt)?   3. is intent necessary in art (i.e., can I appreciate his/her words despite the fact that s/he is probably not purposely writing dadaist poetry)?   4. is andrea the Anti-Rideout?

"Andrea" is the Italian form from English "Andrew" or Spanish "Andrés". So, he is he  (one question answered). But despite his... hum... strange writing method (I guess my own English isn't much better  ), I find his reviews absolutely cohesive .

This has been very amusing and also very interesting alot of thought behind the posts and research.We all have our opinions and our subjectiveness at times but who the hell is elliott?Annies vocals being dismissed! I need to consult  my local shrink this is a first!

                              As the great man sang ' This is a thing I've never seen before'

Dick Heath wrote: James Lee wrote:   ..................compliments Cozy Powell, and says "my advice is to listen to it". I dread to think of the tongue lashing and abuse he'd have got from TPD if he'd posted a bad review!   I've always been surprised that E and L turned to Cozy Powell for a Pee, to record this album. Powell aways seemed to me to be loud, lacking drumming subtlety, far more suited to the metal rock arena than prog. I believe that he avoided drum rolls and forms of stick control, like the plague.   The one redeeming exception was CP's solo Over the Top, which was really the Gary Moore Band and Jack Bruce providing some musical quality on a selection heavy jazz-rock tunes. Evenso a cover of George Martin's Radio One Theme does give a reminder that good/great musicians can sound mediocre, given the wrong tune and arrangement. Sad to report Bruce, seeming to be going through a temporary low point at that time, also appeared on the Soft Machine's  Land Of Cockayne. Powell was best suited for the likes of Whitesnake - but there again, both the great Colin Hodgkinson and Steve Vai got temporary castrated in that band's company.

I didn't write that! Hehe, but I did do the same thing about a week ago, so what goes around comes around

Just to prevent any rumors, I was joking when I said Cosy's real name was Fleckstein...

I prefer the review to the album- the review at least gave me a laugh.

It made me think a little too (no, really). I've heard that feeling expressed pretty often...that music is somehow less valid once another kind of music has supplanted it. Of course most of us here can see the silliness of that argument (good music is good music regardless of how old it is, etc.), but there are a lot of people who really do think that new music is in some way better than older music- as if a significant part of the enjoyment comes from being 'up to date'. While current pop trends don't hold much appeal for me, I confess that I like to be aware of the 'cutting edge' (I actually felt a little sheepish finding out about GYBE kinda late in the game). And while the Macarena was always horrible, wouldn't it be somehow worse to like it right now (versus ten years ago)?

There does seem to be a gray area in between current popularity and nostalgia that is almost a 'no man's land'; after the first rush has faded but before time allows you to judge something on its own merits. And time is moving more quickly now; I think MTV or VH1 is already running a show called something like "Remember the 90s"...so nostalgia is already setting in for some music that I regard as recent

Well, I guess I'm rambling. Anyone have any thoughts on the matter?

This is *such* a helpful review:

http://www.progarchives.com/Progressive_rock_discography_CD.asp?cd_id=6157"> FLOWER KINGS, THE - Adam & Eve
Review by Name Q. Withheld @ 2:34:00 PM EST, 9/10/2004

  —   The people who complain about this CD are morons! OK, maybe that was rude. But they may be a bit narrowminded. That's not what progressive music is all about! Progressive music should...... progress, right?? Yes it should! So what I have to say is Good record. Good songs. Good performances. Also very good production.

That Ummagumma review is spot on!!!  Then again how much acid is required to make listening to Atom Heart Mother a meaningful experience and how much more was required to record it!!

I never understood 'Ummagumma'.

Awww, you guys are maligning my favorite Pink Floyd period!

But then again, it took me a long time to really appreciate "Ummagumma", and I still tend to get bored during the long percussion parts. But believe me, there's some incredible exploration going on there- and some of it actually made it on to the album

Come to think of it, I never dropped acid and listened to the album...maybe I was too smart, or too scared...but I could understand that after doing so, later experiences with the album could seem boring in comparison. I will testify that the 1992 version of "Dracula" is a much more effective film on a few tabs of blotter. Somehow Keanu Reeves' portrayal of Jonathan Harker was more compelling, and his accent less laughable...perhaps I should see if acid improves my opinion of the "Matrix" series...

Respected sir, I am employee of Pakistan steel. And I have 25 years experience of laboratory tests analysis

Can he analyze Metallica?

Iván

PS: Sorry for the joke, I know this poor guy is out of order, but I also know how you can feel after searching for job and not finding it.

Ivan:

Or "Led"?  (Zep, that is)

Perhaps he can also analyze STEELy Dan, STEELers Wheel, STEELeye Span, IRON Maiden, IRON Butterfly et al.  Actually, shouldn't he be on a site for..."Heavy METAL?"

Peace.

wow, that's the best review for this thread yet. I think you should hire this guy- if his prog references check out, that is.

If I had only known, I would have posted my resume under "In Absentia"

recently graduated Veterinary students should go to "Animals" and "The Lamb lies down on Broadway"

Out-of-work scuba instructors directed to (of course) "Aqualung"

and divinity students are required to apply to the entire Genesis discography.

James Lee wrote: wow, that's the best review for this thread yet. I think you should hire this guy- if his prog references check out, that is. If I had only known, I would have posted my resume under "In Absentia" recently graduated Veterinary students should go to "Animals" and "The Lamb lies down on Broadway" Out-of-work scuba instructors directed to (of course) "Aqualung" and divinity students are required to apply to the entire Genesis discography.

Accountants under 'Selling England by The Pound'

Mountain Climbers under 'Close To The Edge'

Holidays under 'Wish You Were Here'

Severe weather warnings under 'In The Wake Of Poseidon'

and no prizes for guessing what would be listed under under 'Brain Salad Surgery'