Printed From: Progarchives.com
Category: Other music related lounges
Forum Name: Music and Musicians Exchange
Forum Description: Talk with and get feedback from other musicians on the site
URL: http://www.progarchives.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=122795 Printed Date: November 26 2024 at 16:43 Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 11.01 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Topic: Finsihed my first original song - feedback?Posted By: ProgFrog88
Subject: Finsihed my first original song - feedback?
Date Posted: April 22 2020 at 06:14
Hey guys! I just finished my first original song and it is in the psych bedroom poppy genre. Took some inspiration from early Floyd and Syd Barrett and would love to hear what you think. I also made a lyric video because covid-19 has given me too much time on my hands, but at least I finished this project.
Would love to get some feedback from you prog-heads out there. How could I make the arrangement more exciting for instance?
Replies: Posted By: Grumpyprogfan
Date Posted: April 22 2020 at 06:47
Like it, definite Barrett influence. Nice vocals and guitar/bass playing.
The arrangement would be more exciting with some pounding drums. I hear the percussion but it's too lite. A kit, with a good player, would make the song heavier.
Posted By: Meltdowner
Date Posted: April 22 2020 at 07:49
Lovely song, although I agree with Will. On that peak at 1:05 I was hearing the drums in my head.
Posted By: ProgFrog88
Date Posted: April 22 2020 at 12:13
Thank you so much, guys! Glad you hear the Barrett-influence! I'm going to try and experiment with drums on my next tune.
Very happy yoyu guys took the time to have a listen.
Posted By: The Dark Elf
Date Posted: April 22 2020 at 17:23
Absolutely love the musical aspects of the song, with a nice lead near the end. As others have implied, a bit more of the drum kit in the mix would be welcome. I didn't very much care for the lyrics. One can be dark, but inference is better than making the wording miserably abysmal.
------------- ...a vigorous circular motion hitherto unknown to the people of this area, but destined to take the place of the mud shark in your mythology...
Posted By: Logan
Date Posted: April 22 2020 at 17:47
Some of us miserable sods revel in the miserably abysmal. ;) I like the lyrics, and I like a lot of very dark stuff. I agree with the others that I really like it. A lot of what I listen to lack drums, so I tend not to expect it (I'm not a big fan of drums often). I'd rather subtle percussion, maybe a hit once or twice in the song, but I like it a lot as is. While I don't think it needs those drums, and that feel could be lost if drums made it heavier, if I were to add more percussion, I'd go for a light jazzy, somewhat loungey 60s pop sound in the drums. A little "dooopy-doopey-dwaaa" (I think that's the technical term?) drum sound around 2:10 would be nice. I wouldn't want it to be heavier. I like it very much as is.
------------- https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLXcp9fYc6K4IKuxIZkenfvukL_Y8VBqzK" rel="nofollow - Duos for fave acts
Posted By: ProgFrog88
Date Posted: April 23 2020 at 01:20
Thank you so much for the critique, people! I know I have to up my game in every department, lyrics included, so I will do that! By the time I do another one, I will also learn how to program some drums! Really appreciate you all taking the time to listen!
Posted By: Logan
Date Posted: April 23 2020 at 07:11
^ I like it as is, including the lyrics, and wouldn't have mentioned the drums had it not already been mentioned. I don't think it needs them, but as an artist, I expect that you like to experiment, learn and try new things. Good luck with your next one.
By the way, as an aside, speaking of critiques, one of my most embarrassing experiences at PA (I've had a lot, I'm extremely socially awkward) was being asked what I thought of someone's music. I wrote a very long critique trying to think of things that maybe could be changed (trying to think of improvements). I thought that was the expectation, and I was talking out my rear-end. I've done a little composition, but not much. So me as a non-artist ended up suggesting all sort of changes to an accomplished artist. How stupid I felt afterwards, especially on a second listen when it hit me how good it was already, and that my suggestions were totally off-the-mark (it ould have turned it into something so different, and marred it). I'm sure my comments were off-putting to the artist, and I can only hope that that person forgave my abundant stupidity. I could have just said, "It's great,I really like it", which would would have been completely sincere, but instead I thought it incumbent to be thorough and to critique and suggest a huge amount of potential improvements. Not that others have done that here. I went on-and-on-- I do that. I still cringe when I think back on it. I think my heart was in the right place, but I was so wrong.
------------- https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLXcp9fYc6K4IKuxIZkenfvukL_Y8VBqzK" rel="nofollow - Duos for fave acts
Posted By: Davesax1965
Date Posted: April 24 2020 at 10:28
The setup on the strat in the picture is, er, interesting. ;-)
Very Syd like. Nice one, Logan. ;-)
-------------
Posted By: flyingveepixie
Date Posted: May 12 2020 at 03:09
I loved that..
Totally wacky and bizarre with lovely guitar work and guitar sounds.
I liked the wacky lyrics and the vocal harmonies are good.
Maybe - but only maybe - the production could be crisped up a little bit to get rid of some of the muddiness in the instrumentation, or maybe not, because the slight muddiness somehow works for the overall atmosphere the song creates, so I don't know.. Maybe some experimentation with the production to see what would work and what wouldn't... ??
I have to disagree with the idea of pounding drums in it as given above though. Light and airy drumming on a jazz kit with brushes would work more for what I'm hearing in my head for this song.. and you could easily get to grips with the programming for a virtual kit for that because there are no complex signature or tempo changes in it...
Great song, and great effort. I'd certainly like to hear more. :)
Posted By: ginodi
Date Posted: May 16 2020 at 10:00