"24" fans check this out

Some of these are pretty funny! 

Jack Bauer wasn't born, he was unleashed.


The city of Los Angeles once named a street after Jack Bauer in gratitude for his saving the city several times. They had to rename it after people kept dying when they tried to cross the street. No one crosses Jack Bauer and lives.


Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.


Jack Bauers calender goes from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Jack Bauer.


If everyone on "24" followed Jack Bauer's instructions, it would be called "12".


Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.


Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.


Jack Bauer's influence is so strong that with one call to the NCAA, the deceased, former director of CTU George Mason was able to make it to the Final
Four


If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef. Then it's beef.


If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.


In order to control illegal immigration in the United States, the president installed cardboard cutouts of Jack Bauer along the US/Mexico border.


Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.


When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer hates lemonade


Jack doesn't believe in Murphy's Law, only Bauer's Law: "Whatever CAN go wrong WILL be resolved in a period of 24 hours."


6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.


Jack Bauer once went into a bar, and asked for a 'Jack Bauer'. He received three shots of Jack Daniel's, a shot of kerosene and four shots of tequila mixed. When
seeing this, another man approached the bar and asked for a Jack Bauer. He got a 9mm round to the face.


When Kim Bauer lost her virginity, Jack Bauer found it and put it back.


Jack Bauer set an ordinary flash memory card to self-destruct. Don't ask how he did it, he's Jack Bauer.


Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.


Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.


Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.
Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.


Don't beg Jack Bauer to shoot you. He will simply shoot your wife. No man tells Jack Bauer what to do.


When someone asks him how his day is going, Jack replies, "Previously, on 24..."


It's no use crying over spilt milk... Unless that was Jack Bauer's milk. Oh you are so screwed.


One bank did a commercial with Jack Bauer in front of a vault. They haven't been robbed since.


Jack Bauer could strangle you with a cordless phone.


Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.


Tony was once shot in the neck, rushed to the hospital, underwent emergency surgery and was back on the job in just a few hours. Jack Bauer still can't believe that pansy went to the hospital first.


If Rosa Parks was in Jack Bauer's seat, she'd move to the back of the bus.


Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive


Jack Bauer sleeps with a pillow under his gun.


Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.


When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.


Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs at Superman for having a weakness.


Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.


In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times. What have you done with your life?


Kim Bauer was an accident. Not even the pill can stop Jack Bauer.


Chase Edmunds waited until he was sure Jack Bauer was dead before he dumped Kim.


In the 18 months where Jack Bauer was presumed dead, Tony Almeida was put in a coma, Michelle and David Palmer were killed, a major hurricane raveged the Gulf Coast, and Rob Schneider made another movie. See what happens when Bauer isn't around?


Men are ok with their wives fantasizing about Jack Bauer during sex; because they are doing the same thing.


When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out


If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Stalin and Hitler so they wouldn't have to bear
witness to what he'd do to Nina.


Sun Tzu once wrote, "If your enemy is weaker, conquer him. If he is stronger, join him. If he is Jack Bauer, you're dead."


When President Palmer quit to start doing Allstate commercials, it took him 4 takes before he could stop saying, "You're in good hands with Jack Bauer".


If Jack Bauer shot you while quail hunting, it wouldn't be an accident.


Jack Bauer shops at Costco... without membership.


When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer.


My parents told my little brother and I that Jack Bauer was "just a television character". We are now orphans.

During the commercials, Jack Bauer calls the CSI detectives and solves their crimes.


When Jack Bauer was a child, he made his mother finish his vegetables.


Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.


Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk.


Jack Bauer once killed so many terrorists that at one point, the ..5 CIA Most Wanted fugitive was an 18-year-old teenager in Malaysia who downloaded the movie Dodgeball.


Quetin Tarantino was asked to direct a biography about Jack Bauer. He passed. It was too violent.


If Jack Bauer misspells a word, your dictionary is wrong.


When Jack Bauer goes to the airport and the metal detector doesn't go off, security gives him a gun.


People with amnesia still remember Jack Bauer.


When Batman is in trouble, he turns on the Jack Bauer signal.


Jack Bauer arm once wrestled Superman. The stipulations were the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside of his pants.


Guns dont kill people, Jack Bauer kills people.


If Jack Bauer was gay, his name would be Chuck Norris.


You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink.


The Black Eyed Peas were just The Peas until Jack Bauer heard their music


All men are created equal. They are all vastly inferior to Jack Bauer.


In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell.


Jehovah's Witnesses once tried to convert Jack Bauer. After four minutes of nterrogation, they admitted Jack Bauer was God.

Jack Bauer makes onions cry.


Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it.


Jack Bauer named his cat 'Chuck Norris.' Why Because He's a pussy.


Jack Bauer is the 'i' in team.


If Jack and MacGyver were locked in a room together, Jack would make a bomb out of MacGyver and get out.


Jack Bauer removed the "Escape" button from his keyboard. Jack Bauer never needs to escape.


Your attraction to Jack Bauer in no way affects your sexual orientation.


Finding Nemo would have been vastly more exciting had Jack Bauer been looking
for him.


Jack Bauer once called the Vice President "Mr. President", but realized his mistake and shot the President. Jack Bauer is never wrong.


Due to Jack Bauer, no one looks forward to the weekend anymore, they look forward to the weekend being over, and watching 24 on Monday.


Jack Bauer was conceived by torturing the other sperm until they gave up the location of the egg.


You walk into a bar and Jack Bauer's your wingman, you're probably gonna hook up.


Jack Bauer once tortured and killed a man using only shadow puppets.


What color is Jack Bauer's blood? Trick question. Jack Bauer does not bleed.

Wow. Hope they can keep it from jumping the shark for 3 more seasons. I'm dubious, put we'll see...