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Textbook 
Forum Senior Member
Joined: October 08 2009
Status: Offline
Points: 3281
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 Posted: April 30 2012 at 19:19 |
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HolyMoly: Man up. If baby guts generates no controversy and people let my "It's fine to joke about rape" speech saunter past them, you'll be fine. Tell the jokes.
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CPicard
Forum Senior Member
Joined: October 03 2008
Location: Là, sui monti.
Status: Offline
Points: 10841
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Posted: May 01 2012 at 12:45 |
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Textbook
Forum Senior Member
Joined: October 08 2009
Status: Offline
Points: 3281
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Posted: May 01 2012 at 16:09 |
What do you call a horse with cancer raping a baby in the guts? Funny.
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Textbook
Forum Senior Member
Joined: October 08 2009
Status: Offline
Points: 3281
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Posted: May 01 2012 at 16:16 |
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It's alright guys, don't get upset, I'm only joking.
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presdoug
Forum Senior Member
Joined: January 24 2010
Location: Canada
Status: Offline
Points: 8619
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Posted: May 01 2012 at 21:58 |
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You want the worst joke, and here it is
What drives a lesbian up the wall? A crack in the ceiling.
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Textbook
Forum Senior Member
Joined: October 08 2009
Status: Offline
Points: 3281
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Posted: May 01 2012 at 22:02 |
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Oh my heavens.
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Textbook
Forum Senior Member
Joined: October 08 2009
Status: Offline
Points: 3281
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Posted: May 01 2012 at 22:03 |
I got you beat. Did you hear about the waiter in the Nazi concentration camp?
He was only following his hors d'oeuvres.
Edited by Textbook - May 01 2012 at 22:04
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JJLehto
Prog Reviewer
Joined: April 05 2006
Location: Tallahassee, FL
Status: Offline
Points: 34550
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Posted: May 02 2012 at 03:29 |
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How do you confuse a blonde?
Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.
An Irishman walks out of a bar.
It was closing time.
A Jew, a Mexican and an Asian all walk into a bar.
I take a moment to appreciate the cultural diversity of my town.
What's the difference between a Jew and some firewood?
Firewood is meant to be burned while a Jew is a functioning member of society.
What do you call an Arab flying a plane?
A pilot, duh
Edited by JJLehto - May 02 2012 at 03:34
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JJLehto
Prog Reviewer
Joined: April 05 2006
Location: Tallahassee, FL
Status: Offline
Points: 34550
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Posted: May 02 2012 at 03:36 |
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OT Räihälä
Forum Senior Member
Joined: August 09 2005
Location: Finland
Status: Offline
Points: 514
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Posted: May 02 2012 at 11:20 |
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Liverpool Football Club.
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Snow Dog
Special Collaborator
Honorary Collaborator
Joined: March 23 2005
Location: Caerdydd
Status: Offline
Points: 32995
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Posted: May 02 2012 at 11:31 |
Why did the Mexican throw his wife off a cliff?
Tequila
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refugee
Forum Senior Member
VIP Member
Joined: November 20 2006
Location: Greece
Status: Offline
Points: 7026
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Posted: May 02 2012 at 13:37 |
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How do you fit five elephants in a Volkswagen Beetle?
Two in the front and three in the back.
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He say nothing is quite what it seems;
I say nothing is nothing
(Peter Hammill)
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Textbook
Forum Senior Member
Joined: October 08 2009
Status: Offline
Points: 3281
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Posted: May 03 2012 at 18:01 |
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JJL: MORE, MORE! ENCORE!
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Textbook
Forum Senior Member
Joined: October 08 2009
Status: Offline
Points: 3281
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Posted: May 04 2012 at 00:01 |
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What did the gay Catholic priest get for Christmas?
Some socks, a sweater, a couple of books.
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Textbook
Forum Senior Member
Joined: October 08 2009
Status: Offline
Points: 3281
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Posted: May 04 2012 at 00:09 |
A man is stranded on a deserted island, when he comes across what looks like a magic lamp. A genie comes out of the lamp and says to him "I will grant you 3 wishes". The man responds: "Genies and magic lamps are fictional creations, most commonly found in ancient Arabian folklore, and as such are at odds with a rational understanding of reality. The prolonged isolation on this island, coupled with the extreme temperatures I'm being subjected to, must be causing me to hallucinate." The genie instantly vanishes. Q: Do you put a baby in a blender head or feet first?
A: The important question is, why would you put a baby in a blender at all? I expect the answer would be some kind of mental illness or, at the very least, a severe manifestation of sociopathy. What's the difference between a n**ger and a Jew?
"N**ger" is a despicable racial slur, and one of the most offensive terms in the English language. It is said at one's own peril in any respectable company, though people of African descent are generally given more leeway with the term, given that it is unlikely that they are expressing contempt for black people. A Jew is an individual either religious or ethnically connected to Judaism, the oldest of the Abrahamic faiths. So they're not the same at all, stop wasting our time. I think you just got off on the naughty thrill of saying n**ger. Child. Knock knock. Who's there?
Pizza. About time. Your mother is so fat that she should consider some sort of weight loss program. Q: What's the difference between a duck? A: And what? A duck and what?
Edited by Textbook - May 04 2012 at 00:09
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JJLehto
Prog Reviewer
Joined: April 05 2006
Location: Tallahassee, FL
Status: Offline
Points: 34550
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Posted: May 04 2012 at 00:19 |
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A kid is caught writing a note in class.
The teacher says takes it and says "No note writing in class!"
She reads the note to herself and gets a horrified look.
"This is terrible!" she said, "This is the most horrifying thing I've ever read! The principal needs to see this"
So she brings the note to the principal, he reads and is shocked.
"Good lord! How can such a young student write such terrible things! I can't believe this. The superintendent needs to read this"
So the principal takes the note to the superintendent.
The superintendent reads the note. He can't believe what it says.
"Wow this is terrible, I can't handle this... the President needs to see this note"
So he takes the note to President Obama.
Obama reads the note. He says "Goodness, this is the worst thing I've seen in my life...I don't want anything to do with this...I'm sending the note to god"
God gets the note and reads it.
"What the f**k!?" God says, "This is pure evil, man Satan needs to take this"
So God takes the note down to Satan.
Satan reads the note.
He has to pause at the horror of it.
"Holy sh*t, even I can't comprehend such terrible things. What heinously disturbing and vile words are contained in this note. No one should ever see what this says"
Then Satan threw the note in the fire.
Edited by JJLehto - May 04 2012 at 00:20
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VanVanVan
Prog Reviewer
Joined: October 08 2009
Status: Offline
Points: 756
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Posted: May 04 2012 at 00:41 |
 JJLehto wrote:
How do you confuse a blonde?
Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.
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Brilliant 
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"The meaning of life is to give life meaning."-Arjen Lucassen
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Textbook
Forum Senior Member
Joined: October 08 2009
Status: Offline
Points: 3281
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Posted: May 04 2012 at 04:21 |
Knock knock. Who's there?
Doorbell repair. Q: What did Batman say to Robin before they got into the Batmobile?
A: Robin, get in the Batmobile.
Q: What did the farmer say when he couldn't find his tractor?
A: Where's my tractor?
Q: What did the paedophile say to the priest?
A: Father, I have sexually abused children and wish to repent.
Q: What's the difference between Adolf Hitler and Nelson Mandela?
A: Nothing. Q: If you have four apples in one hand, and 6 oranges in the other, what do you have?
A: Quite large hands.
Q: Why did the tiger get lost in the jungle?
A: Because the jungle's f*cking massive.
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Textbook
Forum Senior Member
Joined: October 08 2009
Status: Offline
Points: 3281
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Posted: May 04 2012 at 04:27 |
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Little Johnny was sitting in the class one morning when the teacher asked, "if you have six apples, and I take away two apples, how many apples do you have left?" Little Johnny raised his hand, but the teacher called on Suzy.
"You'd have four apples left, Miss Spencer," Suzy said.
"That's correct," said the teacher. But little Johnny was pissed because he had a hilarious response for the teacher that had something to do with the teacher having small tits.
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Smurph
Forum Senior Member
Joined: January 11 2012
Location: Columbus&NYC
Status: Offline
Points: 3167
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Posted: May 04 2012 at 08:14 |
Textbook wrote:
What do you call a horse with cancer raping a baby in the guts?
Funny. |
For some reason this made me laugh a lot.
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Tell me the worst joke you know:)
