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Points: 3281 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 10 2012 at 17:46
Presdoug has obviously been through quite a few snack-packs in his time.
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Points: 8619 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 11 2012 at 11:47



Edited by presdoug - June 13 2012 at 21:08
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Points: 8619 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 11 2012 at 11:49



Edited by presdoug - June 13 2012 at 21:09
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Points: 8619 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 11 2012 at 17:23



Edited by presdoug - June 13 2012 at 21:07
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Points: 3281 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 11 2012 at 23:11
What do you call a man with a spade balanced on his head?

Crazy.
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Points: 14693 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 13 2012 at 07:16
Why are elephants huge, grey & wrinkled?

If they were small, round & white, they'd be an aspirin.

Jon Lord 1941 - 2012
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Points: 14693 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 13 2012 at 07:17
What's white, wears checked trousers & falls out of trees?

Rupert the fridge.

Jon Lord 1941 - 2012
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Points: 8619 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 13 2012 at 15:49




Edited by presdoug - June 13 2012 at 21:06
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Points: 3281 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 13 2012 at 18:11
What did Presdoug say about classical music?

Some terrible jokes.
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Points: 7026 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 19 2012 at 09:46
I found this one on the Not Always Right site:

(I’m a waitress in a coffee shop/bakery/deli located in the middle of a small town. I walk into the dining room to see the minister from the church across the street, a police officer from the station down the block, and a lawyer from the courthouse next door sitting at the counter. I’m looking at this strange sight when my boss comes up behind me.)

Boss: “So a priest, a cop, and a lawyer walk into a bar…”

http://notalwaysright.com/

If you’re bored, I can guarantee that you’ll find some amusement there.
He say nothing is quite what it seems;
I say nothing is nothing
(Peter Hammill)
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Points: 14258 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: July 11 2012 at 07:02

 

Adam was hanging around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely.

 So, God asked him, 'What's wrong with you?'

Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to.

God said that He was going to make Adam a companion

and that it would be a woman.

He said, 'This pretty lady will gather food for you, she will cook for you,

and when you discover clothing, she will wash it for you .

She will always agree with every decision you make and she will not nag you,

and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement.

She will praise you!

She will bear your children.

and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them.

'She will NEVER have a headache and will freely give you love and
passion whenever you need it.'

Adam asked God, 'What will a woman like this cost?'

God replied, 'An arm and a leg.'

 

 

Then Adam asked, 'What can I get for a rib?'
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Points: 14169 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: July 11 2012 at 12:03
/\ OH MY GOD THAT WAS SO GOOD! LOL
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Points: 4160 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: July 11 2012 at 12:06
Clap

epic
There be dragons
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Points: 14258 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: August 14 2012 at 06:40
MAMA'S BIBLE.

Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors, lawyers and businessmen.

One evening, they chatted after having dinner together. They discussed the 95th birthday gifts they were able to give their elderly mother who had moved to Florida.

The first said, "You know I had a big house built for Mama."

The second said, "And I had a large theater built in the house."

The third said, "And I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to her."

The fourth said, "You know how Mama loved reading the Bible and you know she can't read anymore because she can't see very well. I met this preacher who told me about a parrot who could recite the entire Bible. It took ten preachers almost 8 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute
$50,000 a year for five years to the church, but it was worth it.
Mama only has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot will recite it."

The other brothers were impressed. After the celebration Mama sent out her "Thank You" notes.

She wrote: Melvin, the house you built is so huge that I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway."

"Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home; I have my groceries delivered, so I never use the Mercedes. The thought was good. Thanks."

"Michael, you gave me an expensive theater with Dolby sound and it can hold 50 people, but all of my friends are dead, I've lost my hearing, and I'm nearly blind. I'll never use it. Thank you for the gesture just the same."

"Dearest Milton, you were the only son to have the good sense to give a little thought to your gift. The chicken was delicious. Thank you so much."

Love, Mama.
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Points: 8619 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: August 14 2012 at 20:51
There was a man recouperating in a hospital bed, and when the nurse came in, he asked "Are my test results back?" She gave him an odd look, and nervously left the room.

The next day, the exact same thing, he asked her "Are my test results back?", and still only an odd look, and then the nurse left.

After the third day of this, he called back at the nurse, "Why do you keep ignoring my question?" She walked up to him and opened his underwear, and looked at him and said "They are fine." Shocked, the patient responded, "Why the hell did you do that for?"

She replied "Well, you kept asking me, Are my testicles black?"
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Points: 14258 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: August 20 2012 at 08:20
Originally posted by Dean Dean wrote:

How to interview the Dalai Lama:
 


Oh no this was going round on the Australian TV talk shows and now London has picked it up!


Oh how embarassing
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