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barbs View Drop Down
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Direct Link To This Post Topic: About Chickens
    Posted: June 10 2005 at 06:51
Why did the chicken cross the road

ANSWERS ACCORDING TO:

Plato: For the greater good of man

Aristotle: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads

Hippocrates: To improve its circulation

Timothy Leary: Because thats the only trip the establishment would let it take

Richard M Nixon: The chicken did not cross the road, I repeat, the chicken did not cross the road.

Bill Clinton: I did not, I repeat, I did not have relations with that chicken.

George Bush: To prove that he isn't our enemy

Captain James T Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has ever gone before

Freud: The fact that you are at all concerned about the chicken reveals your underlying frustration with your mother

Bill Gates: Who cares about that chicken when I have just released the New Chicken Office 2005 which will not only cross roads and lay eggs but file your important documents and balance your books

Charles Darwin:  Chickens over great periods of time have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads

Ernest Hemingway: To die, in the rain

Grandpa: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road and that was good enought for us.
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 10 2005 at 07:06

Originally posted by barbs barbs wrote:

Why did the chicken cross the road

ANSWERS ACCORDING TO:

Plato: For the greater good of man

Aristotle: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads

Hippocrates: To improve its circulation

Timothy Leary: Because thats the only trip the establishment would let it take

Richard M Nixon: The chicken did not cross the road, I repeat, the chicken did not cross the road.

Bill Clinton: I did not, I repeat, I did not have relations with that chicken.

George Bush: To prove that he isn't our enemy

Captain James T Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has ever gone before

Freud: The fact that you are at all concerned about the chicken reveals your underlying frustration with your mother

Bill Gates: Who cares about that chicken when I have just released the New Chicken Office 2005 which will not only cross roads and lay eggs but file your important documents and balance your books

Charles Darwin:  Chickens over great periods of time have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads

Ernest Hemingway: To die, in the rain

Grandpa: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road and that was good enought for us.

Einstein: For an impartial observer it is equally true to say that the chicken crossed the road or that the road crossed the chicken.

Buddah: The chicken crossing the road is merely an illusion.

Karl Marx: The chicking crossing the road is the beginning of the proletarian revolt against obstruction and capitalist exploitation.

Franz Kafka: The chicken knew it was condemned anyway.



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Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 10 2005 at 07:14
Heraclit: It is impossible for the chicken to cross the same road twice.

Socrates: Let us first consider if the chicken crossing the road could serve as an example of moral turpitude. If yes, we should not call any more attention to the matter by speaking about it.

Plato: The chicken and the road are only poor images of the idea of a chicken and the idea of a road. Somewhere there is an ideal chicken crossing an ideal road. (I know Plato already had his say, but the first explanation did not fit too well into Plato's philosophy)


Edited by BaldJean


A shot of me as High Priestess of Gaia during our fall festival. Ceterum censeo principiis obsta
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 10 2005 at 07:19
Originally posted by BaldFriede BaldFriede wrote:

Originally posted by barbs barbs wrote:

Why did the chicken cross the road

ANSWERS ACCORDING TO:

Plato: For the greater good of man

Aristotle: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads

Hippocrates: To improve its circulation

Timothy Leary: Because thats the only trip the establishment would let it take

Richard M Nixon: The chicken did not cross the road, I repeat, the chicken did not cross the road.

Bill Clinton: I did not, I repeat, I did not have relations with that chicken.

George Bush: To prove that he isn't our enemy

Captain James T Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has ever gone before

Freud: The fact that you are at all concerned about the chicken reveals your underlying frustration with your mother

Bill Gates: Who cares about that chicken when I have just released the New Chicken Office 2005 which will not only cross roads and lay eggs but file your important documents and balance your books

Charles Darwin:  Chickens over great periods of time have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads

Ernest Hemingway: To die, in the rain

Grandpa: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road and that was good enought for us.

Einstein: For an impartial observer it is equally true to say that the chicken crossed the road or that the road crossed the chicken.

Buddah: The chicken crossing the road is merely an illusion.

Karl Marx: The chicking crossing the road is the beginning of the proletarian revolt against obstruction and capitalist exploitation.

Franz Kafka: The chicken knew it was condemned anyway.





also

Ralph Waldo Emerson: The chicken did not cross the road     he transcended it

Dr Seuss:  Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why he crossed, I've not been told.

Karl Marx also said: It was historical inevitability

 
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 10 2005 at 07:34
Thomas Mann: The timid chicken, nervously looking left and right while fearfully fluffing up its eggshell-white blackspotted plumage, anxiously scurried back and forth along the road until finally, with a triumphant clucking, it overcame its trepidation and hastily scuttled across the battered road between Berlin and Weimar. Free at least!

Edited by BaldJean


A shot of me as High Priestess of Gaia during our fall festival. Ceterum censeo principiis obsta
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 10 2005 at 07:38
Originally posted by BaldJean BaldJean wrote:

Thomas Mann: The timid chicken, nervously looking left and right while fearfully fluffing up its eggshell-white blackspotted plumage, anxiously scurried back and forth along the road until finally, with a triumphant clucking, it overcame its trepidation and hastily scuttled across the battered road between Berlin and Weimar. Free at least!


Henry Lawson:  out ere in the outback a chicken wouldn't get two feet across the road before e gets lost in the bulldust
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 10 2005 at 07:42
Michael Schuhmacher: A chicken crossed the road? Now that's what caused the dent in the nose of my new Ferrari.


A shot of me as High Priestess of Gaia during our fall festival. Ceterum censeo principiis obsta
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 10 2005 at 07:51
Originally posted by BaldJean BaldJean wrote:

Michael Schuhmacher: A chicken crossed the road? Now that's what caused the dent in the nose of my new Ferrari.


Baldjean: I will get this chicken across the road before Barbs does or my names not Baldjean
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 10 2005 at 08:15
Deathbed confession

Jake was on his deathbed. His wife, Susan, was maintaining a vigil by his side. She held his fragile hand and tears ran down her face. Her praying roused him from his slumber. He looked up and his pale lips began to move ever so slightly.

"My darling Susan" he whispered.

"Hush, my love" she said. "Rest, don't talk".

He was insistent. "Susan" he said in his tired voice. "There is something I must confess to you"

"There is nothing to confess" replied the weeping Susan. "Everything is alright. Go to sleep".

"No, no, I must die in peace Susan" as he gasps short bursts of air "I slept with both your sisters, your best friend, your cousin and your mother."

"I know" she replied, "Thats why I poisoned you."

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Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 10 2005 at 11:27

Wittgenstein The chicken did not cross the road, the chicken is here in this room and you can't prove that it isn't.

Nietzsche The chicken stared deeply into the road, and the road stared deeply back at the chicken.

Schopenhauer The chicken crossed the road in the hope of being run over and ending its miserable existence.

Basho Chicken by the road - Enormous truck - Splat! There is no chicken.

 

 

'Like so many of you
I've got my doubts about how much to contribute
to the already rich among us...'

Robert Wyatt, Gloria Gloom


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Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 10 2005 at 11:59
Heidegger: The being is the chicken, its so-being is crossing the road.


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Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 10 2005 at 12:14

Originally posted by BaldFriede BaldFriede wrote:

Heidegger: The being is the chicken, its so-being is crossing the road.

Jung: The chicken crossing the road is a mythical archetype that recurs across cultures and signifies the conflicted relationship between nature and society.



Edited by bluetailfly
"The red polygon's only desire / is to get to the blue triangle."
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 10 2005 at 12:20

Peter Hamill:

Living, if you claim that all
that entails is clucking, skittering, pecking, egg-laying, crowing, defecating,
crossing the road ever over and over
and ultimately passing away time
which no longer has any meaning.
He is crossing the road!

"The red polygon's only desire / is to get to the blue triangle."
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 10 2005 at 12:22

Descartes The chicken thought about crossing the road, therefore it did.

James Joyce Stately plump chickychicken cluckclucked at the roadside on a spring morn and a fine spring morn it was too observed Stephen Daedalus at the bar in Davy Byrnes, a great nourishing draught of porter imbibed and then Bloom asked the chicken? The divil take your egg laying fowl said Stephen can't a man have some peace no the chicken at the road says Bloom, what became of it? Stephen gazed ceilingward a long alequaffing pipefilling moment I believe it's on the other side now he exhaled good man yourself says Bloom it's a grand tale you tell.

'Like so many of you
I've got my doubts about how much to contribute
to the already rich among us...'

Robert Wyatt, Gloria Gloom


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Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 10 2005 at 12:23
Colonel Sanders:   Go get that chicken back boy!
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 10 2005 at 12:46
Sartre: To truly exist is to respond to a chicken crossing the road with anxiety and nausea.
"The red polygon's only desire / is to get to the blue triangle."
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 10 2005 at 12:47

Ok, we had Joyce, so let's hear what Thomas Pynchon has to say:

Thomas Pynchon: A chicken comes across the road. It has happened before, but there is nothing to compare it to now.
.....
It is too late. The Evacuation still proceeds, but it's all theatre. There are no eggs inside the chicken. No eggs anywhere. Above it cirrostratus clouds old as an iron queen, and cumuli somewhere far above that would let the light of day through. But it's night. It's afraid of the way the rain will fall--soon--it will be a spectacle: the fall of a crystal palace. But coming down in total blackout, without one glint of light only great invisible torrent.



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Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 10 2005 at 13:12
Vonnegut: We crawled out of the Dresden bunker to a complete smoldering waste land. The alien from Traframador looked up and said, "why do humans do this to each other?" I stared forward. A chicken crossed the road. And so it goes.
"The red polygon's only desire / is to get to the blue triangle."
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 10 2005 at 13:58

Samuel Beckett:

  • Estragon: There was a chicken yesterday. Did you see it?
  • Vladimir: Are you sure it was yesterday?
  • Estragon: Maybe not yesterday...not long ago.
  • Vladimir: Maybe there will be a chicken here today.
  • Estragon: I think that's right - if we wait here, the chicken will come.
  • Vladimir: The same chicken?
  • Estragon: The same as yesterday?
  • Vladimir: Perhaps - if it comes back...
  • Estragon: Why? Where did it go?
  • Vladimir: Over there I think (points vaguely to the other side of the road)
  • Estragon: So we must wait here.

Serge Gainbourg: Pourquoi le p'tit poulet a-t'elle traversee la rue? Parce qu' it 'ad 'ad un oeuf! (From the unreleased Melody Nelson: Ses Meilleures Blagues)

 

'Like so many of you
I've got my doubts about how much to contribute
to the already rich among us...'

Robert Wyatt, Gloria Gloom


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Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 11 2005 at 18:31
F. Scott Fitzgerald: The chicken crossed the road because the vitality of his illusion was such that that he decided, "sure, you can repeat the past".

Shakespeare: Take thee me for a chicken?
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