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Topic ClosedTell me the worst joke you know:)
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Points: 3281 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 05 2012 at 15:27
Jesus is hanging from the cross, near death. The guards have had their sport and left, only a few of his most ardent followers remain to watch his last moments.
"My disciples" gasps Jesus, his voice wracked, his throat parched. "Please take me down from the cross, that I might pass on in peace."
His disciples quickly scrabble around for something with which to get up to Jesus and unable to find anything, quickly form a crude human ladder with three of them atop each other. The one at the top hastily pulls the nails from Jesus' hands.
With a terrible wrenching sound, Jesus falls forward screaming "FEET FIRST! FEET FIRST!"
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Points: 2822 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 05 2012 at 17:59


(I think this is the first time Wondermark has resorted to a pun, but I wouldn't swear to it.)
"Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want, and deserve to get it good and hard." -- H.L. Mencken
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Points: 3281 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 05 2012 at 21:49
That was genuinely horrible.
 
 
My turn!
 
I arranged a date with a Dutch girl last week. Unfortunately, she never showed up as she had popped her clogs.
 
(This is kind of a litmus test for people who have an unsophisticated sense of humour. The double-meaning of clogs may seem like something witty/clever has been said to people who don't think about it but actually it's a failure as for it to be witty or clever, "popping" wooden shoes would have to have some sort of meaning, which it doesn't.)
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Points: 14258 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 06 2012 at 09:45
a lady walks into an ice cream shop and asks the man at the counter for some chocolate ice cream. the man says "sorry ma'am, we're fresh out". the women says "ok, than just give me some chocolate ice cream please". the man replies " sorry ma'am, i just told u we're out". the woman than says "really? sigh...ok, than i'll just have some chocolate ice cream". the man by this point just stares at her for a moment and finally replies "look lady, say 'van' as in vanilla..." the woman replies in a perky voice "ok, van!". the man then says "ok, say 'straw' as in strawberry..." the lady once again replies cheerfully "straw!". the man says "good, now say 'FREAK' as in chocolate..." the lady thinks for a moment and then remarks to the man "wait a minute, there's no 'freak' in chocolate!". To this the man replies "THATS WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL U!!!!!"
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Points: 3281 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 06 2012 at 15:23
That was really terrible, just appallingly written. Well done :)
 
 
"Doctor, doctor, my arm keeps hurting in several places."

"Well stop going to them then."
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Points: 22774 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 06 2012 at 15:36
This thread needs to die.
Hanashukketsu
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Points: 3281 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 06 2012 at 15:49

"Doctor, doctor, I think I'm a banana."

 
"Yo iz one ker-azy ass white boy. Now shush yo jive-ass mouth."
 
"..."
 
"..."
 
"..."
 
"..."

"..."
 
*they kiss*
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Points: 8649 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 06 2012 at 20:24
Doctor, doctor, I'm a teepee, I'm a wigwam, I'm a teepee, I'm a wigwam!

                    No, your two tents.
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Points: 3281 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 06 2012 at 20:48
Why did the old lady put rolling skates on her rocking chair?

She had dementia.
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Points: 2549 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 06 2012 at 23:41
Originally posted by colorofmoney91 colorofmoney91 wrote:

This thread needs to die.
 
I don't think so, some of these are pretty funny, actually.
I love dogs, I've always loved dogs
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Points: 3281 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 07 2012 at 04:55
What did the Zen master say to the hot dog vendor?

"Can you make me one with everything?"
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Points: 37575 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 07 2012 at 04:58
How to interview the Dalai Lama:
 
What?
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Points: 3281 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 07 2012 at 18:44
What do a giraffe and an elephant have in common?

They're both grey. (Except for the giraffe.)
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Points: 12794 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 07 2012 at 18:45
Originally posted by colorofmoney91 colorofmoney91 wrote:

This thread needs to die.
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Points: 3281 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 07 2012 at 23:54
Yo momma needs to die.
 
Yo momma so dumb she can't put her M&Ms in alphabetical order.
 
Yo momma so fat her size is equator.
 
Yo momma so old that when she was at school, history was called news.
 
Yo momma so ugly, she entered an ugly contest and they said "Sorry, no professionals."
 
Yo momma so poor her food stamps bounce.


Edited by Textbook - June 07 2012 at 23:55
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Points: 8649 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 08 2012 at 17:42
How do you keep a moron in suspense?

                               I'll tell you tomorrow.LOL
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Points: 75 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 08 2012 at 20:26
 I asked one "do you belive in the hereafter" ?
 they replied "no" !
 so i asked "then what are ya here after" ?Big smile
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Points: 2822 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 10 2012 at 10:47
"Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want, and deserve to get it good and hard." -- H.L. Mencken
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Points: 3281 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 10 2012 at 16:14
Can Stevie Wonder see why children love the taste of Cinnamon Toast Crunch?

There's just no answer to this.
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Points: 8649 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 10 2012 at 17:25
What did the Alaskan policemen say to the bank robbers?       Freeze!
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