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Snow Dog 
Special Collaborator
Honorary Collaborator
Joined: March 23 2005
Location: Caerdydd
Status: Offline
Points: 32995
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 Posted: May 12 2012 at 04:25 |
 smartpatrol wrote:
Why does the gay man want to be a cat...Because cats lick thier own dicks  SO BAD! |
I think this applies to all men. In fact it applies more to heterosexual men. Gay men have absolutely no problem sucking other guys dicks.
So substitute "gay" for "men" and you have got a joke (nearly)
>>>but so can dogs too and the joke is starting to fall apart, it's very fabric dangling in the wind of indifference.
Which reminds me of a Jasper Carrot routine.
He is at his girlfriends having tea with the mother and the family dog walks in and starts licking his balls. Not quite knowing what to say he remarks, "I wish I could do that". The mother replies, "Give him a biscuit and he might let you"!
Edited by Snow Dog - May 12 2012 at 04:30
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zappaholic
Forum Senior Member
Joined: March 24 2006
Location: flyover country
Status: Offline
Points: 2822
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Posted: May 12 2012 at 06:00 |
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^^ Yeah, the more standard form of the joke is:
Why do dogs lick their balls?
Because they CAN.
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"Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want, and deserve to get it good and hard." -- H.L. Mencken
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Snow Dog
Special Collaborator
Honorary Collaborator
Joined: March 23 2005
Location: Caerdydd
Status: Offline
Points: 32995
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Posted: May 12 2012 at 06:04 |
^See, that's funny.
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Gerinski
Prog Reviewer
Joined: February 10 2010
Location: Barcelona Spain
Status: Offline
Points: 5154
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Posted: May 12 2012 at 06:58 |
In Spain we have a large set of jokes we refer to as (translated to an english name) "Jimmy jokes", Jimmy being some naughty and rather dumb boy. The actual spanish name we use is "Jaimito". Here a couple of examples:
Boy Jimmy to the teacher:
"Madam, would you ground me for something I didn't do?"
"Of course not Jimmy"
"Well that's great because I didn't do my homework"
Teacher to Jimmy: Tell me some word containing an "h"
Jimmy: "pan"
Teacher: where does a pan have an "h"???
Jimmy: in the "handle"
When Jimmy leaves to the military service his mum warns him:
"Jimmy be good and pay much attention, if they ask you your name you answer "Jimmy", if they ask you your age you answer "18", for any other question you just answer "Sir, yes Sir"."
As Jimmy arrives to the base the sergeant asks him: "What's your name?"
Jimmy: "18"
Sergeant: "what's your age?"
Jimmy: "Jimmy"
Sergeant: "do you think I'm a f*king idiot or what?"
Jimmy: "Sir, yes Sir!"
In class, the teacher woman decides to start giving the boys their first taste of psychology. She tells them:
"If any of you thinks he/she's an idiot, stand up"
After a while without anybody moving, Jimmy stands up.
Teacher: "Jimmy, how come you stood up, do you think you're an idiot?"
"Well, no madam, but I was feeling sorry for you being the only one standing up there"
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presdoug
Forum Senior Member
Joined: January 24 2010
Location: Canada
Status: Offline
Points: 8649
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Posted: May 12 2012 at 11:22 |
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Mom, you know the new computer you and Daddy bought?
Yes, son.
I think i wrecked it.
What do you mean, what happened?
Um, the coffee cup holder broke off.
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Tapfret
Special Collaborator
Honorary Collaborator / Retired Admin
Joined: August 12 2007
Location: Bryant, Wa
Status: Offline
Points: 8581
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Posted: May 12 2012 at 14:35 |
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A highway patrolman (trooper, cop, polizei, ...whatever you say in your given part of the world) is driving down the road behind a Fiat driving normally down the road. The Fiat starts speeding up until he is over the speed limit. The patrolman catches up so the Fiat goes even faster. The patrolman turns on his siren and the Fiat speeds up. Eventually the Fiat is no match and the patrolman catches up and pulls along side and points at the driver to pull over. The Fiat pulls over and the patrolman angrily approaches.
"You had better have a damned good story as to why you kept speeding up and wouldn't pull over!", shouted the patrolman.
The man in the Fiat replies, "Well, my wife left me for a highway patrolman."
The flustered patrolman tried to understand, "But what does that have to do with me?"
"Please forgive me officer.." replied the driver, "...but I was terribly worried you were bringing her back."
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Dean
Special Collaborator
Retired Admin and Amateur Layabout
Joined: May 13 2007
Location: Europe
Status: Offline
Points: 37575
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Posted: May 12 2012 at 14:47 |
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What?
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presdoug
Forum Senior Member
Joined: January 24 2010
Location: Canada
Status: Offline
Points: 8649
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Posted: May 12 2012 at 16:17 |
Did you hear about the Fruit Grocer who was charged by the police? He was impeached for being impaired.
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zappaholic
Forum Senior Member
Joined: March 24 2006
Location: flyover country
Status: Offline
Points: 2822
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Posted: May 12 2012 at 19:19 |
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"Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want, and deserve to get it good and hard." -- H.L. Mencken
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Textbook
Forum Senior Member
Joined: October 08 2009
Status: Offline
Points: 3281
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Posted: May 13 2012 at 02:58 |
What's blue and smells like red paint?
Blue paint.
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Textbook
Forum Senior Member
Joined: October 08 2009
Status: Offline
Points: 3281
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Posted: May 14 2012 at 21:33 |
Did you hear about the new porn film for guys who use rohypnol?
It's called Sleeping Booty.
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frippism
Collaborator
Honorary Collaborator
Joined: July 27 2010
Location: Tel Aviv
Status: Offline
Points: 4160
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Posted: May 15 2012 at 13:43 |
TheGazzardian wrote:
smartpatrol wrote:
Are you a nerdfighter by chance? |
nerdfighteria!
(I watch vlog brothers with my wife sometimes, does that make me a nerd fighter?  ) |
I'm a nerdfighter! Well no I usually am annoyed by nerdfighters, but I do enjoy the Vlogbros. a lot.
AtomicCrimsonRush wrote:
Anyone see Flight of the Conchords? |
It is spectacular.
Snow Dog wrote:
This is the worst joke i have heard recently
What is worse than finding a worm in your apple?
The Holocaust. |
Dear God, you have absolutely no idea of the plethora of Holocaust jokes me and my friends tell. Should I release hounds or will people go poopooo? Eh, who cares, I'm Jewish!
Two brothers in Auschwitz are fighting over food. One boy gets angry and tosses dirt at the other boy. The other boy says "hey! I thought we weren't involving mom and dad!".
Man With Hat wrote:
Three jews eat eggs. Poop comes from their digestion. |
now that's anti-semitic 
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There be dragons
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frippism
Collaborator
Honorary Collaborator
Joined: July 27 2010
Location: Tel Aviv
Status: Offline
Points: 4160
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Posted: May 15 2012 at 13:43 |
johnobvious wrote:
What do you call a bird that gets run over by a lawn mower?
Shredded Tweet
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dear god that made me cringe
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There be dragons
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Snow Dog
Special Collaborator
Honorary Collaborator
Joined: March 23 2005
Location: Caerdydd
Status: Offline
Points: 32995
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Posted: May 15 2012 at 13:51 |
frippism wrote:
Two brothers in Auschwitz are fighting over food. One boy gets angry and tosses dirt at the other boy. The other boy says "hey! I thought we weren't involving mom and dad!".
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You are a very bad man.
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frippism
Collaborator
Honorary Collaborator
Joined: July 27 2010
Location: Tel Aviv
Status: Offline
Points: 4160
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Posted: May 15 2012 at 14:09 |
Snow Dog wrote:
frippism wrote:
Two brothers in Auschwitz are fighting over food. One boy gets angry and tosses dirt at the other boy. The other boy says "hey! I thought we weren't involving mom and dad!".
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You are a very bad man. |
There are worse ones, but they're all in Hebrew, and I have to translate one without Hebrew slang for it to be funny. Quite a challenge  . That's what happens when your society is obsessed with genocide, you can't take it seriously anymore.
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There be dragons
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presdoug
Forum Senior Member
Joined: January 24 2010
Location: Canada
Status: Offline
Points: 8649
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Posted: May 18 2012 at 16:35 |
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What do you call a happy Roman warrior? A gladiator.
What do you get with a Nurse seeing double? A paradox.
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Tapfret
Special Collaborator
Honorary Collaborator / Retired Admin
Joined: August 12 2007
Location: Bryant, Wa
Status: Offline
Points: 8581
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Posted: May 18 2012 at 23:15 |
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How many Dadaists does it take to change a light bulb?
Fish
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CPicard
Forum Senior Member
Joined: October 03 2008
Location: Là, sui monti.
Status: Offline
Points: 10841
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Posted: May 19 2012 at 03:52 |
Tapfret wrote:
How many Dadaists does it take to change a light bulb?
Fish
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...and a matchbox!
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Textbook
Forum Senior Member
Joined: October 08 2009
Status: Offline
Points: 3281
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Posted: May 19 2012 at 19:54 |
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Dave.
Dave who?
*Dave breaks down in tears, seeing how his grandmothers Alzheimer's has advanced to the point where she can no longer recall who he is*
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smartpatrol
Forum Senior Member
Joined: April 15 2012
Location: My Bedroom
Status: Offline
Points: 14169
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Posted: May 19 2012 at 20:13 |
Textbook wrote:
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Dave.
Dave who?
*Dave breaks down in tears, seeing how his grandmothers Alzheimer's has advanced to the point where she can no longer recall who he is* |
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Tell me the worst joke you know:)
