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Peter View Drop Down
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: March 06 2004 at 02:19

No sooner had Garten nodded off, however, than the boozey DUDE Mark IV came crashing through his bedroom wall. "Don't you know that it's dangerous to SMOKE IN BED?" screamed the alcohol-addled Aussie automaton, before agent Garten jumped up and grappled with him, knocking the metal-manthing through the open bedroom door, and "arse-over kettle" down the stairs. A satisfying sproing-ing sound, like that of a large leaping marsupial, told Jim that the "Austrailian avenger" was out of commission, at least for now. "What ho, pip pip, that was easy," mused the unflappable, stiff-upper-lipped -- but stale Woodbines smelling -- Englishman. "Lucky for me it was Australian built, and thus forced to walk on its hands here in the northern hemisphere. Most unstable..... Bloody 'ell, me bleedin' bed's on fire again!"

Meanwhile, the grim-faced RIDEOUT 2001, armed to the teeth with a mind-boggling array of sophisticated and deadly weaponry (plus clam juicer, glass rimmer, and ice dispenser; but lacking a basic geography chip, and having therefore been earlier thwarted by a mysterious, large salty body of water in its aim to drive to Garten's corrupt, tea-and-crumpet-soaked island home), was experiencing yet another setback, in the guise of a burly security guard at Toronto's Pearson International Airport: "Sir, I repeat: Do you have anything metal on your person?" "Infernal carbon-based peon, my entire perfect and lethal body is made of metal!" the miffed man-machine replied, before ripping the luckless guard's head from his shoulders. "I'm never flying British Airways again" fumed the revenge-bent robot later, as, still seething, he tore into his complimentary in-flight peanuts. "I'm sure I asked for a window seat, the beer is flat, twiggy, laughably weak, and as warm as moose urine, and there's no Kraftwerk on any of the music channels!"

Thinks were looking decidedly "rum" for Garten, who slept on, blissfully unaware of the looming danger looming ever loomier in the gloomy, polluted Dickensian-grey skies above his wretched, tottering island. "Perfect," reflected the robot with smug superiority, "they're already in bed over here! No wonder they lost their puny empire!"  



Edited by Peter Rideout
"And, has thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!'
He chortled in his joy.
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: March 06 2004 at 06:28
Dude as his alter ego Jens Bland secret agent 003(and a bit) of T.A.R.T.S(Tactical Action Reaction Team of Superspies) arrived fashionably late at the party for dutch abassador Van Vandenvan.....He knew his archnemesis Rideout would be there.As the great doors of the ambassadors house swung open the volume of noise rose from the party,he had done this many times,the thrust and parry of conversation,the empty platitudes to flatter some old doweger...he checked his sock before entering ..."AH bland"the ambassedor walked up to him arms outstretched "Welcome",Bland smiled warmly "nice to see you again"...COME said the ambassedor "there is someone you simply MUST meet!" he led bland into the noisy crowd to a tall bearded man "RIDEOUT"!! He thought to himself.THe ambassador introduced them.."This is wealthy cattle baron and gerbil breeder ROGER DE CABENBOY,the two exchanged coldly polite looks,"so MR De cabenboy you sell cattle?" yes De c.answered "i am a big Bull shipper"",And the gerbils?" bland asked,"they are popular with.........some people"..But here let me introduce you to my wife!",Bland turned to the attractive women by his nemesis side.."so nice to meet you madam,he bent to kiss the proferred hand."ER...Bland thats my hand" said  De C...Iwas reaching for some cake!!","i am terribly sorry!" replied Bland "But the painted fingernails fooled me". De Cabenboy snatched his hand back with an annoyed look and turned to his wife "Darling could you excuse us for a while?" "of course" she said and walked off to join a conversation elsewhere....the two men were alone.."So Rideout, we meet again"!!. "I see you escaped GARTENS DEAdly Badgers Bland or should i say DUDE said RIDEOUT"Yes" replied Bland "Though it was close, after he disabled the DUDE MARK IV i had to leave in a hurry,i hadnt counted on that!" still he is recovering from your poisoned cigarettes and is unaware that the RIDEOUT 2001 is heading for him now...I thought you two were partners?!!" RIDEOUT WAS GRIM.."WE  were and still are we had a slight ......disagreement and i am just voicing my ...Displeasure! still you know that he and i are after the worldsmost expensive jewel the "STAR OF VEGEMITE" THE WORLDS ONLY BLACK DIAMOND... and you BLAND and your TARTS wont stop us HAHAHA!!!!...............Bland raised a glass of wine and drank deeply pausing only to spit out a cigarrette butt......"We shall see"...."We shall see"..Bland watch RIDEOUT walk toward his wife then he turned "by the way" he said..."Your sock is showing"...Rideout walked away smiling,leaving Bland to pull up his zipper..in the gaze of dissapointed ladies
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: March 07 2004 at 01:45

Well my primary hobbies are : 1. Music 2. Cars 3. Fantasy Fiction (tolkien , salvatore, etc) 4.RPGs (role playing games) 5. i'm planning to add Traveling when i get my own car  6. decoration of living rooms

Concerning Ouzo young ppl drink it mixed with Coca Cola or with any sort of juice (orange and lemon being at the top selections) when they go out to a bar or a club! When we have launch and have fish as the major plate we mix it with water and/or ice ! You should really try Raki , Tsipouro and Tsikoudia ! they rock too.



Edited by Aerandir
That which doesn't kill you, postpones the inevitable
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: March 08 2004 at 08:06
Deep in the heart of the rolling British green and pleasant countryside, lies the Erno Crumfeldt Memorial Resthome for the Terminally Bewildered; in a private room, well away from the prying eyes of the public, the tabloid press, the depraved, the Canadian and the Australian, lies our hero.

Having been transferred to this secluded refuge after a near terminal encounter with a burning duvet and an insane robot, Garten lies semi concious, and partially incontinent in a drug induced stupor, babbling inanities and swatting at imaginary flies..... his recovery is complete!

His messenger wasps had recently returned from a recce of the Dutch Low Countries, and confirmed his earlier suspicion that Rideout & Dude were indeed working together; they had been seen speaking at Van Vandenvan's little soire in Amsterdam (indeed, one partucularly astute wasp had even seen DUDE kiss RIDEOUT's hand - confirming Gartens suspicions regarding these debased colonials), and although their exact words could not be accurately picked up over the general hubbub, the words "Star Of Vegemite" could just be distinguished - "damn that General Hubbub" thought Garten, "I can never hear anything over his voice!!"

Lighting a cigarette (vetted by HQ for mollusc traces), he pondered on how this situation had come about - the 1922 expedition when he & Rideout (then only 74 years old) had stolen the 'Star Of Vegemite' from the dying hand of its creator, Mustafa Leak; the later disagreement over custard, which led to their estrangement (and ultimately, the great dessert war of 1932/5, when the 'Star' was lost forever - or so Rideout thought), and eventually RIDEOUT's desperate alliance with the evil southern barbarians to regain control of the worlwide trade in weak cold pissy lager.

"Sad, so sad" thought Garten, as he opened a secret pouch secreted about his person, and brought out a velvet purse, wherein lay...... "The Star Of Vegemite"

He sighed........ "so many deaths, so many needless deaths, the orphans, the widows, the breweries"

Garten wiped a tear from his eye,

"Sod 'em!!"



Edited by Jim Garten

Jon Lord 1941 - 2012
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: March 10 2004 at 17:29

************Commercial Break********

Pop

SSSHHHFPPP

clink

SSSSLLLUUURRPPPP

AAAAHHHHH!!!

BBBUURURRPPP!!!!

Camera pans from the condensation puddle on the mahogany bar and focuses on a balding middle aged nerdish deviant with a weathered, sweat stained Tormato Tour t-shirt. The voice emanates forth from a gap toothed cavernous maw causing the small green booger on the tip of his left nostril to vibrate.  "Boddington's, the prog reviewers beer of choice." A putride smile creeps across the tobacco stained teeth as the camera pans back to the bar and focuses on the half empty bottle. Background sound of a loogy being hawked upon the barroom floor.....   

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Direct Link To This Post Posted: March 11 2004 at 00:37

 Good "ad," O Danny-boy! Ha!LOL

Back to the show soon.... (it's evolving in my fertile, fecund, frolicsome, follically-challenged head.)Wacko

(Feel free, friends.)



Edited by Peter Rideout
"And, has thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!'
He chortled in his joy.
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: March 11 2004 at 01:12
WILL THE RIDEOUT 2001 SUCCEED OR WILL ITS OUT OF DATE 1 GIG PROCESSOR FAIL WILL, JIM WAKE IN TIME TO COUNTER THE DEADLY THREAT!! (OH WAIT....he is awake AND HE,S GOT THE DIAMOND..DAMN!!!!)AND WILL JENS BLAND(DUDE) EVER GET THAT SOCK RIGHT!!!STAY TUNED FOR PART THREE WHERE YOU WILL HERE PETER SAY......"HELLO"...WHERE JIM WILL REVEAL A PLOT TWIST SO MINOR THAT NO ONE WILL NOTICE AND WHERE DUDE WILL WRITE 15 PAGES OF WORDS THAT WILL MAKE ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE  TO ANYONE NOT EVEN HIM....he.......thou...WHATEVER!!

Edited by dude
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: March 11 2004 at 03:42
Danbo - a minor point......

I will not, under any circumstances, ever, EVER, drink Boddingtons; this Mancunian filth has no place under the title beer....... It's so appalling in fact, I believe it could be Australian!


Dude & Peter - looking forward to the next instalments, but Dude, you may want to follow this link, first

http://images-eu.amazon.com/images/P/0198613474.02.LZZZZZZZ

Edited by Jim Garten

Jon Lord 1941 - 2012
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: March 16 2004 at 09:28
dreaming and smoking grass
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: March 16 2004 at 10:59

Originally posted by philippe philippe wrote:

dreaming and smoking grass

Chuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuttt !!!!

Eh, la réputation que tu vas nous faire, ici  !

Perso, j'essaye de garder, hum.... "une certaine forme"

Je ne fume plus mais les effets retard !

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Direct Link To This Post Posted: March 16 2004 at 17:53

YEAH!!!

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Direct Link To This Post Posted: March 16 2004 at 18:24
I really need to invest in a French-English translation Dictionary.
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: March 17 2004 at 13:08
Originally posted by Tauhd Zaïa Tauhd Zaïa wrote:

Je ne fume plus mais les effets retard !

High school was a long time ago, but: "You don't smoke anymore, but you still feel the effects." ????

Oui?  Non? Baisse morte?  <SMILIE>

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Direct Link To This Post Posted: March 17 2004 at 13:29

Yes

But...what is "Baisse morte? "

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Direct Link To This Post Posted: March 17 2004 at 13:34
Originally posted by Tauhd Zaïa Tauhd Zaïa wrote:

Yes

But...what is "Baisse morte? "

 
who is dead?
If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear...
George Orwell
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: March 17 2004 at 13:42

Hobbies B-side music ???

Humm, children, cooking, washing, repassing, housekeeping are not hobbies

but :

Gardening, Drawing with Photoshop, reading, collecting shells on the beach, sleep and the funny discussions here are hobbits, sorry hobbies

and I have still the time for

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Direct Link To This Post Posted: March 17 2004 at 13:43
ow, behave!
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: March 17 2004 at 13:51

Malgré les efforts inhérents à ma nature ô combien généreuse et considérant le fait que la barrière linguistique me laisse à des années lumières d’un quelconque espoir de compréhension, je me retrouve face à l’immensité, à cette adversité sans nom dont le gouffre sans fin n’a d’égal que mon appétit naissant.

Je vais donc aller manger !

(good translation)

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Direct Link To This Post Posted: March 17 2004 at 13:54
Originally posted by Tauhd Zaïa Tauhd Zaïa wrote:

Hobbies B-side music ???

Humm, children, cooking, washing, repassing, housekeeping are not hobbies

but :

Gardening, Drawing with Photoshop, reading, collecting shells on the beach, sleep and the funny discussions here are hobbits, sorry hobbies

and I have still the time for

 
Oh, now we talk about hobbies again...Ok, here are mine:
 
- First Hobby is the soccer club Eintracht Frankfurt, I'm a fan and watch every home and away game (in the stadium) and use lot of time informing on the net and helping in the active fan scene...
- Music, first of all Prog is another Hobby...not only listening but also informing on the net (wrtiting here) talking with a friend (who's the only one in my circle of friends who loves Prog as much as I do) about it, reading album reviews and so on...
- Photoshop
- playing handball and torture myself on the hometrainer
If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear...
George Orwell
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: March 17 2004 at 17:41

Originally posted by Tauhd Zaïa Tauhd Zaïa wrote:

But...what is "Baisse morte? "

That's as close as my addled memory could get to "drop dead".    <SMILIE>

As in buzz off or go away and leave me alone.  <SMILIE>



Edited by Stormcrow
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