Smells Like... What?

Something the government is totally unconcerned about 'cos politicians old folks are looked after by tons of the current generation's money that does not smell of corruption - no, not even the merest whiff smells like carelessly written and awfully incorrect subtitles to an 80's high school movie that most movie buffs or even regular people don't appreciate at all even though one of the most brilliant actresses ever Winona Ryder is in it and that is why I had to wear sunglasses (sadly I don't have a mysterious cloak) when I bought it even though it rained quite a bit.

Spending the day with my friends table, clothes hamper, dictionary volume 1 (A-L), and a 24-pack of fresh diapers smells of a story that will be passed down from generation to generation to which is meant to heap a mountain of guilt on children when they don't take care of their parents in those golden years, instead to shuffle them off to a old folks home to be someone elses problem.

Youth having lost the concept of life in the midst of a world where love has lost its meaning, morality been reduced to blind adherence to arbitrary and profane authorities and true wisdom grown too obscure to be grasped smells like my copy of The Song of Roland after I left it on the table only to return to find it covered in Soy Sauce, gelatine and words in High Norman French

A rather unpleasant case of chlamydia coupled with the contents of a scarecrow's pants smells of a sexual encounter in the back seat of a car at a rural drive-in theater between two acne faced teenagers looking to lose their virginity for they have no better options for finding happiness or a better future.

An oil-change on an Oldsmobile after it has been driven by Jackie Chan through a sewage works full of skunks smells of a epic midwestern movie that takes place in a trailer park full of midget hoosier zombies that feed off of the flesh of Tommy Lasorda.

Hundreds of tiny Robert Crumb impersonators sitting on the breakfast table with butter on them smells of another greasy fun filled night at the all male butter wrestling championships in downtown Oshkosh.

Another overblown epic song from Dream Theater with Phil Collins sitting in as guest vocalist smells like toast crumbs.

The never ending wonders found within the 22nd edition of the famed Dewey Decimal Classification system smells like a radioactive splurge of frogspawn discovered by Christopher Colombus in the Year of Our Lord 1492.

The contents of a mud-wrestler's bathtub after a particularly aggressive scrub smells of Taco Bell on a Friday night after all the hip hop kidz go through the drive thru blasting their beats and ordering massive amounts of burritos that will in turn give them upper and lower gastric distress for which there is little chance of relief in the foreseeable future even with abundance of the over the counter drugs and elixirs that are found at the local 24 hour Walgreens.

Something that could never happen to a bright chap like me smells like a cheap dime store mystery novel written by Mickey Spillane back in the 1940's for a literature hungry public that was tired of radio shows.