The Answer Game

Someone lied to you. His nose is indeed full of little black holes, but you can't see them once the painting is done.

I'm sorry, I thought you asked if I masticate frequently.

Like a brown egg on a cold traffic pylon.

 

"Paint your horses well or you cannot be my darling!" cried the captain in his sleep and - doing his best to avoid the sudden gas leak - stepped out of the bathtub.
"I should have posted this in the Off at tangents -thread", replied his french maid, who was Polish.

127mm

Toothpicks, masking tape, wax paper, vegetable oil, dental floss, and plenty of caulk. 

As long as you keep your fingers out of the way, that is.

Unplug the power to your modem, wiggle the ADSL lead around in a seemingly random manner and swap out the micro-filter for the one you swapped out last time. Then perform a simple noise test on you phone-line by dialling +44(0)1592 646566, placing the receiver on a flat surface 1.2m from the floor, taking three steps back and asking for a medium Meateor™ with extra chili. Using an hourglass, time how long it takes for the pizza to be delivered in seconds, then divide the time by the number of toppings to calculate the Signal To Noise ratio - add -45dB if there is no extra chili but subtract 37dB if it is still hot. Using the discarded crusts from the pizza arrange them into a pentagram shape - placing a pepperoni slice in the centre of the pentacle and black olives at regular intervals around it while waiving your finger at the PC monitor in an admonishing manner, (reminiscent of Maggie Smith's portrayal of Miss Jean Brodie in the 1969 classic film by Ronald Neame), and reciting the lyric to The Ancient endlessly until you become a little hoarse. Apply power to the modem and all should now be working within acceptable parameters.

That critical reduction is attained by a slight tweak of the left-handed discommboomerator.

I reckon it'll be chaff by Fall, then peat, loam, and eventually silt.