Fantasy story: Close To The Edge part II

Day 5

10 AM, control room, private investigations

A private detective called inspector Cluedo drops by. Jon, Steve and Chris are giving him all the information they know about the false telephone call and the “10 little progger” rhymes.

Inspector: This is all very streunge.

Chris: So do you have any clue?

Inspector: Wah’ll get this prehblem sol-ved in neu time.

Steve: Excuse me?

Jon: He says he’ll solve it in no time. He’s from French origin.

Chris: But do you have any clue?

Inspector: A cleu? Where?

Chris: No, do you have a clue!

Inspector: Well… it isn’t easy… Someone’s putting these swine tricks on yeu. It could be…

Chris, Jon and Steve: Yes??

Inspector (smiles mysteriously from under his moustache): …A pink conspiracy!

Chris: Pink?

Steve: How do you mean, pink?

Inspector: Well, yeuw kneuhw, those swines with the seufty pins and the spike bands and the terrible music.

Steve: I think he means punk.

Inspector: Yes, pink! That’s what I have been saying, you idiot! Now, about yeur guitar player that has been fah-yered.

Steve: No, he got a false phone call. It was one of the keyboard players…

Inspector (impatient): Yes I kneuw that, I kneuw that. You got to watch out, yeuw kneuw. Next time it can be a behm.

After half an hour, where inspector Cluedo unfolded his theories that Alan performed the perfect crime with the chandelier in the library, Geoff with the knife in the dining room and Rick with a dagger in the billiard, eventually Steve, Jon and Chris gave up and asked the inspector kindly to leave. They decided to ask the record company to give them a better detective this time. They got another shock, because inspector Cluedo was never been sent by the record company. They wondered where he came from, but were unable to find the answer themselves. The record company promised to send a real detective the next day. In the mean time Jon was planning on doing some investigations himself.

2 PM, control room, Band meeting

Jon: Tomorrow we’ll get a new detective. At this moment I would like to know some things from you. How do you experience this project, apart from the unrest that is being generated by our… joker. Is this a dream come true? This is what you really want to do? Nothing else at the moment?

Alan: No, nothing else.

Steve: No, nothing else.

Jon (smiles): Great! Great!

Steve: Except…

Jon (frowning): Except??

Steve: Well, I’ve got this record with Paul Sutin, which is only for the health food stores, but for the rest… Oh yeah, and a reunion with Bodast.

Chris: Yeah, as for me… making another solo album would have been nice as well… Or another cd with Billy Sherwood.

Rick: A new Close To The Edge would be fantastic. But I do have some other projects… A solo album called 20.000 Leagues Under The Sea, a Wakeman With Wakeman - album with my son Adam, a new gospel album, a piano album, I’ve been asked to do a show called Rick Wakeman on ice, I have this talk show on tv…

Alan (pensive): Maybe I could do another solo album… And I'm thinking about a project with Tony Kaye...

Jon (dreamy): I suppose I could team up with Vangelis once again. Well… (Suddenly comes to his senses). No, this is crazy! Geoff, how about you?

Geoff: There’s nothing else I’d like to do at the moment.

Jon: Great! Come on, people, let’s go for it! This afternoon, we’ll move to the studio. To put down all the music we’ve got thus far. Four o’clock, studio 1.

4 PM, Studio 1

Rick and Steve enter the studio. Rick sees a room within the room.

Rick (shocked): What’s that?

Steve: It’s a bathroom.

Rick: Yes, but what is it doing in our studio??

Steve: Well, Jon is much more at ease when he’s singing under the shower. So…

Rick: So??

Steve: There’s a microphone for him in the bath tub.

Rick: He’ll be singing his parts under the shower?? This band is completely crazy!

Steve (smiles): Says the guy who once recorded his organ parts via a Swiss telephone line.

Rick (shakes his head): Yes, I must be completely crazy myself to be in this band.

4.30 PM, roll call

Jon: Chris is missing.

Rick: The next one in line? This is hopeless!

Jon: Without hope you cannot start the day, Rick.

Rick: Starting the day at 4.30 PM?

Jon: Forget about it. Let’s start playing anyway.

Rick: I gotta go to the bathroom first. Not the one in the studio.

5 PM

Steve: Rick didn’t come back from the toilet down the hall.

Alan: He’s been there now for almost half an hour. You don’t think the joker…?

Jon (angry): Great! Fabulous! Two down, four to go??

5.30 PM

Rick returns from the bathroom. His face is green.

Rick: Must have been the beans I ate at noon. The bloody things went through me like a Ferrari!

Jon (sighs): I’m glad you didn’t leave as well. Let’s call it a day. See you all tomorrow. With Chris, I hope. I fear the worst, though.

Geoff: Jon, Steve, can I speak you in private?

5.35 PM, control room

Geoff: Guys, I would like to leave the band.

Jon: Why, Geoff, why??

Geoff: To be honest, I’m bored to death here. I’d like to play with Asia again. I got all these musical ideas and I just can’t use them here.

After some fruitless discussions, Jon and Steve accept the fact that Geoff leaves.

6 PM, studio 1

Jon and Steve are mixing some fresh Yes music. The secretary, followed by two guitar players, heavily armed with Stratocasters and Marshall amps, enter the room.

Secretary: Mr. Anderson?

Jon: Yes?

Secretary: Here’s a rock-o-gram for you, mr. Anderson.

Jon: A rock-o-what?

The two guitar players suddenly start to play and sing, in a style vaguely reminiscent of the Sex Pistols’ nice little tune called Pretty Vacant.

“Six little proggers were keeping the music ali-i-i-i-i-i-ve!

Then one was bored to death and suddenly they were f-i-i-i-i-ve!”

After the savages had left the room, Steve and Jon were alone.

Jon: I don’t understand!

Steve: What?

Jon: This crazy rhyme was about Geoff, no doubt, but we lost Chris as well. This time we lost two members instead of one.

Steve: Maybe there’s a logic to it.

Jon: What do you mean?

Steve: Just a thought. Maybe it was Chris who sabotaged our band all the time…

TO BE CONTINUED

Day 6

10 AM, control room

The new inspector, from Scotland Yard, England Yard, Wales Yard and even Northern Ireland Yard fame, questions the four remaining band members. The new inspector had nothing in common with the old one. He had “no nonsense” written all over him. “Efficiency” was his middle name and… well, you get the picture.

Inspector: What have you discovered yet yourself?

Jon, Steve, Rick, Alan: Nothing yet.

Inspector: Amateurs. Have you taken fingerprints, talked with the personnel?

Jon, Steve, Rick, Alan: Not yet.

Inspector (frowning): Idiots. Haven’t you done anything at all??

Jon: Excuse me? We’ve done so much! We’ve made the most wonderful music!

Inspector: Hmph, artists. Do you suspect someone?

Jon: Well, our bass player has disappeared since yesterday. He’s often late, but always stayed, no matter how bad the music was. So…

Inspector: Well, let’s see, does he have a motive for sabotaging the band?

Jon: None that we can think of.

The inspector left the band and started investigating.

10.30 AM, band meeting

Jon: Right, bar nr. 22, note nr. 6. What do you think? Should the next note be an F or an F sharp?

Steve: Maybe an F, maybe part of the Fsus-chord that I had in mind.

Alan: Why not F major 7?

Steve: Because of the chord after that. It’s F major. It wouldn’t work out. A plain F7 would do, but that wouldn’t help us to get to the chord after the next chord.

Rick: Listen, do we have to talk about each note??

Jon (surprised): Well, of course! After all, we’re a democratic band, aren’t we? Now, all in favour of F for note nr. 6, put up the green cards that I gave to you.

Alan: Abstention.

Jon: Put up your white card then.

Steve: No, the white card is for blank votes.

Alan: What’s the difference with abstention?

Steve: Couldn’t we work out a compromise before voting? This is all going a bit too fast.

Rick: Fast?? This is all going nowhere! Couldn’t we just play the music? Improvise a bit? We’re not the House Of Commons, are we?

Alan (smiles): But we are The House of Yes.

Rick: This is too much! I’m off to the tearoom. I’ll join you later.

(Rick walks away, gazing at his shoes)

Jon (shakes his head): I’m worried about Rick.

Steve: Yes, if he misses this meeting, he might be playing F major 7 after all. Imagine where that could lead us to?

2 PM,  Studio 1

Jon: I just got a call from Trevor Horn. He’ll join us later this afternoon. He brings some James Brown horn samples. Says it will fit perfectly within the music.

Rick: He hasn’t even heard the music. So why can he say that it fits perfectly?

Alan: Well, maybe he’ll bring some songs of his own.

Rick: Don’t trust him. He has a history of playing whole albums by himself! I know this much: I won’t let him play my keyboards.

Alan: He can do bass though, since Chris left.

Rick: By the way, Jon, when are you going to use the bathroom for your vocals? It just comes out of the studio and it stands there.

Jon: Twenty-four before my love and I’ll… Sorry, I meant to say: just at the final recording sessions.

Suddenly a funny noise is being heard from inside the studio - bathroom. Steve jumps up.

Steve: There’s someone in the bathroom!

Jon: Sounds like he’s armed too. I hear some kind of chainsaw.

Steve: It’s moving! Or he’s moving!

Rick (suddenly grins from ear to ear): No mystery about that.

Steve: What do you mean?

Rick: Guys, I think I solved your mystery, or at least part of the mystery. In the old days, what used to be Chris Squire’s nickname, do you remember that?

Jon: His nickname? Wasn’t it… the fish?

Rick: Correct. Now why did he get that nickname?

Jon: I remember. Because of his marathon stinches in the b… You mean…?

Rick (still grinning): No doubt about it.

Steve: Could that really be true?

Jon: There’s only one way to find out.

(Jon knocks on the bathroom door).

Jon: Chris? Schindleria Praematurus? Is that you?

Chris: Huh?... Yeah, hold on a moment.

Five minutes later, a clean but sleepy Chris Squire steps out of the bathroom.  

Jon: We’ve been worried, Chris!

Chris: Well, you know, I saw the bath, and I thought, like, why shouldn’t I...  you know… (Looking at his watch): Hey, wait a minute! I’m right on time! We had an agreement on playing at two o’clock in this studio!

Jon: Yes, Chris, 24 hours ago…

At the end everybody was happy that there was still a full Yes after all. Chris was still mumbling from time to time: “Well, I was almost ready”. But apart from that, the band was in a good mood.

Alan: Great! This is the Going For The One, Keys To Ascension formation!

Steve: The definitive Yes - members are still here.

Jon: Yes, the Tales From Topographic Oceans group is still here!

Rick: Don’t push your luck, Anderson!

The band decided to do some playing. They cut another track and at 4 PM Trevor Horn joined the band. After listening to the music he decided to put on his producer’s cap. Rick went away to the tearoom, where he had a date with a girl for whom he had fallen “hook, line and sinker”, as he called it, but not before he asked everyone to pay attention that Trevor wouldn’t touch his keyboards. They all decided to be back in the studio at 7 PM.

Studio 1, 7 PM

Rick enters the studio. Trevor Horn was already there. He sees 6 pairs of slippers in the studio, a hallstand with six bathrobes, a pile of newspapers and a bottle of sherry with glasses.

Rick: Say, Trevor, what are you up to? What is all this stuff doing here? Do we have to share the room with the Rotary or what?

Trevor: Ah, you mean the slippers and all? No, that’s all for you. You know (in a whisper) we’re doing bass tonight!

Rick: Excuse me?

Trevor: Well, Chris still has to catch up with the rest, but apart from that, he has a habit of… taking his time, you know?

Rick: You mean…

Trevor: What I mean is that you probably have to stay here ‘till six in the morning. Chris wants it all sorted out alright. You know Chris. So sit back and relax, you can take a bath as well if you wish. Take your time… Maybe we should build a sauna in the studio as well.

Studio 1, 10.30 PM

The band is helping out with Trevor’s production. Read: Chris is checking his bass parts, while Jon tries to read the Times, Steve the Daily Telegraph, Rick is reading… well, never mind. They try to read, but every 5 minutes or so, Chris starts the following discussion or variations on the following discussion:

Chris: There seems to be a funny noise here.

Jon, Steve, Alan and Rick: No, Chris, there isn’t!

Chris: You don’t hear it? Then you must listen to it again.

Rick: No!

Jon: Okay, okay! There is a funny noise.

Chris: So you did notice! Maybe we should play the whole thing over again. What do you think?

Rick: I don’t think that’s necessary.

Chris: Maybe you didn’t hear it right?

Jon, Steve, Alan and Rick groan, and every time they grudgingly agree that the sound became better and better.

At 11 PM, Rick answers his mobile phone. It turns out to be a girlfriend. Rick sneaks out for a date.

Studio 1, 11.45 PM

The night watch enters the room, to inform Jon that somebody’s on the phone for him. It’s Rick.

Rick: Sorry Jon, I’m leaving.

Jon: Rick, say it ain’t so! Why?

Rick: Well, you were in the same room with me tonight, weren’t you? I don’t think you need a further explanation.

Jon: That was only tonight, I’m sure.

Rick: Jon, how many normal days did we have yet?

Jon: I see what you mean, but…

Rick: This time I made up my find. I want a peaceful life, if you know what I mean. Has our mysterious joker called yet?

Jon: No, he hasn’t. I'm glad about that.

Rick: One mustn't speak too soon. Jon, listen to this little verse I made:

“Five little proggers were aiming for more and more and more,

Then one thought: less is more, and he slipped out through the door.”

Jon: Rick… was it you all the time?? You’re the joker?

Rick (sighing): Goodnight Jon.

TO BE CONTINUED