Joke - Progressive Rock Music Forum

Author

Message

Topic Search

Topic Options

Vompatti

Forum Senior Member

VIP Member

Joined: October 22 2005
Location: elsewhere
Status: Offline
Points: 67407

Posted: September 20 2006 at 13:03

"Would you please take your antelope outside", the barkeep says. "Animals aren't allowed."

the icon of sin View Drop Down

Forum Senior Member

Joined: July 29 2005
Location: United Kingdom
Status: Offline
Points: 588

Posted: September 20 2006 at 18:48

But before he even finished the sentence burglar #1 had made off with his best croqued cushion covers, and #2 was ambitiously attempting to steal the very dress worn by the barman's wife.

Coincidentally, the student (who turned up for Pound A Pint Night), who just completed his order at the bar, turned and caught burglar #1 accidentaly with the utmost tip of his shoe. The burglar tripped, unloaded the cushion covers into the antelope's gaping mouth (the animals like to eat exotic material - look it up) and proceeded to play snow angels in the wreckage of the previous night's bar fight, including shattered beer glasses, passed-out hobos and torn coupons proclaiming "If you can't get laid here, you can't get laid anywhere! - Come to Jerry's Brothel for hot hot..."; it continued in a similar unsanitary fashion, and the joke will too.

Edited by the icon of sin - September 20 2006 at 18:49

Vompatti

Forum Senior Member

VIP Member

Joined: October 22 2005
Location: elsewhere
Status: Offline
Points: 67407

Posted: September 21 2006 at 15:33

The barman's wife managed to scare burglar #2 away with a chainsaw which she had hidden in her dress (for the dress had several hidden pockets).

the icon of sin View Drop Down

Forum Senior Member

Joined: July 29 2005
Location: United Kingdom
Status: Offline
Points: 588

Posted: September 21 2006 at 15:39

The barman was surprised he didn't realise earlier. His wife was 6"6, bald, shaven-headed and had tattooes all over her arms and back vowing "death for all". In fact, he wasn't sure it was a woman at all, burglar #2 was quite a big guy and he was so easily chased away by his ordinary, petite wife who made him chocolate brownies on Sundays and tucked him in at night. He looked back over all the times in bed he'd been unable to finish the job, so to speak, and understood that his wife was in reality a male Israeli shopkeeper who generally earned his living selling human skin which came from the victims of various pagan sacrifices conducted only under the blood of a full moon. He still wasn't sure how it happened, or how he suddenly knew so much about this man in such a short space of time.

Edited by the icon of sin - September 21 2006 at 15:41

Author	Message Topic Search Topic Options Post Reply Create New Topic Printable Version Translate Topic
Vompatti Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Reviewer page Forum Senior Member VIP Member Joined: October 22 2005 Location: elsewhere Status: Offline Points: 67407	Posted: September 20 2006 at 13:03
	"Would you please take your antelope outside", the barkeep says. "Animals aren't allowed."

the icon of sin Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Reviewer page Forum Senior Member Joined: July 29 2005 Location: United Kingdom Status: Offline Points: 588	Posted: September 20 2006 at 18:48
	But before he even finished the sentence burglar #1 had made off with his best croqued cushion covers, and #2 was ambitiously attempting to steal the very dress worn by the barman's wife. Coincidentally, the student (who turned up for Pound A Pint Night), who just completed his order at the bar, turned and caught burglar #1 accidentaly with the utmost tip of his shoe. The burglar tripped, unloaded the cushion covers into the antelope's gaping mouth (the animals like to eat exotic material - look it up) and proceeded to play snow angels in the wreckage of the previous night's bar fight, including shattered beer glasses, passed-out hobos and torn coupons proclaiming "If you can't get laid here, you can't get laid anywhere! - Come to Jerry's Brothel for hot hot..."; it continued in a similar unsanitary fashion, and the joke will too. Edited by the icon of sin - September 20 2006 at 18:49

Vompatti Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Reviewer page Forum Senior Member VIP Member Joined: October 22 2005 Location: elsewhere Status: Offline Points: 67407	Posted: September 21 2006 at 15:33
	The barman's wife managed to scare burglar #2 away with a chainsaw which she had hidden in her dress (for the dress had several hidden pockets).

the icon of sin Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Reviewer page Forum Senior Member Joined: July 29 2005 Location: United Kingdom Status: Offline Points: 588	Posted: September 21 2006 at 15:39
	The barman was surprised he didn't realise earlier. His wife was 6"6, bald, shaven-headed and had tattooes all over her arms and back vowing "death for all". In fact, he wasn't sure it was a woman at all, burglar #2 was quite a big guy and he was so easily chased away by his ordinary, petite wife who made him chocolate brownies on Sundays and tucked him in at night. He looked back over all the times in bed he'd been unable to finish the job, so to speak, and understood that his wife was in reality a male Israeli shopkeeper who generally earned his living selling human skin which came from the victims of various pagan sacrifices conducted only under the blood of a full moon. He still wasn't sure how it happened, or how he suddenly knew so much about this man in such a short space of time. Edited by the icon of sin - September 21 2006 at 15:41