10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? Ouch!
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
Yeah, that whole white light thing was a bit of a fib.
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
I wouldn't leave that there, someone will knick it.
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
You say your name's Snake Plissken and you've come to rescue the resident? Oh, The President... no, none of them here, have you tried downstairs.
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
Margret Hilda Thatcher? No, no one of that name here either.
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? Two doors down on the right, ask for Molly, tell her the G-Man sent you.
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
Just put it there in the hall, and here's £5 for your trouble my good man.
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
Wait there, she'll be down in a minute, she's just getting her coat.
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
Oh, it's you. Damn, I've just lost £10 in the office sweepstake.
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
No, I don't want a copy of the Watchtower.
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
Yes, I have considered letting Jesus into my life...
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
Sure, I follow him all the time... picking up sandals, bits of fish, bread, wood-shavings...
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
No, really, we have a subscription, we're on your mailing list. See, there: 'gott im himmel'
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
Okay, you win, I'll buy a copy, how much is it ... free, but you'd like a donation, I should have guessed. Incidentally, what is it you watch from this tower?10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
... and by the time I realised that gravity should have been an inverse cube law the damn thing had exploded in my hands...
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
What did you expect? A fraking X-Box?
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
...we keep her "sin" clock in the kitchen, we use it as an extractor fan.
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
Hey, snap - same T-Shirt.
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? Genuine Hollywood blockbusters for only £5 each.... I have to admit I'm sorely tempted...
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? Sure, first on the left - the lock's broken so keep your foot wedged against the door.
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? ...and if you leave your bike chained to these railings again I'm calling the police, okay?
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? No, they're not real, do you think pearls grows on trees or something?
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? You might want to duck, there's a manna delivery due any time now.
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? Sorry, I should have said, ambrosia - it's okay it wears off after a few years.
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? Yeah, that's firmament, had it put in years ago - damn good stuff too - keeps the waters above and the waters below - not a drip, drop or dribble gets through. [to camera], Now, be honest, you didn't expect Everest to be doing that today did you?
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? Two coats of polyurethane should do it.
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? A-ha! I make that 31 minutes precisely, looks like we'll be getting that pizza for free then.
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? Okay, I'll take Inception, The Kings Speech and Black Swan for £12 if you throw in The Expendables for free.
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? What do you mean - "There can only be one"? Look, I'm going to have to stop you there - Samurai swords aren't permitted in heav-
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? Put that away, it only works on vampires.
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? Oh, you again.
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? I'll get me goat.
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? ...and on alternate Wednesday's we all go bowling. Which is nice.
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? ...and then he said: "I wish I had an orange for a head"
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? Yeah, you're right, they are fairly pointless from a practical point of view, yes, I know heaven isn't surrounded by a wall or a fence so you could just walk around the gate to get in, but that's not the point, they're symbolic, like a triumphant arch - it's not the keeping people out, yeah nor for keeping them in, but more a rite of passage - hey where are you going? Oi! stop that ... no they don't close, they're not real, they're decorative, like I said symbolic. Yeah, they do need a coat of varnish - I asked the boy to do it, but he's been sulking in his room for the past two millennia playing Warhammer
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? Yes, I am particularly proud of the Fjords, I won an award for those.
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? Sorry, we don't buy from the door.
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? It's £1200 a month, one month in advance, there's a rota for the bins and you do your own washing. Take it or leave it.
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? They moved out years ago - we've been here 65 hundred years and they were gone before then.
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? A soul? What's that?
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? Oh, thank Me you're here - all the PCs are down and we're having to play Solitaire manually.
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? What? You were expecting someone taller?
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? Yeah, the Wizard of Oz - that's the kind of thing.
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? Sorry.
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? Hi, I'm Odin, this is my boy Thor...
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? Yeah, I do look like Charlton Heston, so get your filthy hands off me you stinking ape.
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? Dream Sequencer system offline
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? Back in Five Minutes
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? Ommm.
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