WITH TEARS FROM JENNIFER

June wrote: el dingo wrote: To SLARTIBARTFAST (don't want to repeat all your post for obvious)   My local pub's got a Monty Python day on Feb 28. They're offering free Egg, Sausage, Spam Spam Spam and Spam to all Vikings. Guess I'd best not take the laptop.   Awesome, I'm so jealous I don't have a pub like that around here

Haha, I read about these scams. I always did wonder what they wrote. I always delete my spam mail so I can't recall ever receiving one of these. 

The Whistler wrote: WITH TEARS FROM JENNIFER My name is Miss Jennifer Brown Marisa a twenty two years old looking for a trustworthy ,sincer and honest someone who can help us in this time of needs.  My father is Dr Johnson Osy Marisa, a man who deal more especially on diamond and ground nut in the republic of Cote d’Ivoire. During the civil and political crisis in our country, my parents together with my three sister were posioned by heartless elements that called themselves his business partners . Fortunately for me and my younger brother, we were in our school when this tragedy took place to our family . We were in coma for almost two weeks. But I thank the almighty God because I never knew that I could support the shock of losing almost my whole family. That is by the way. Right now I am still here in Cote d’Ivoire with my only remaining brother but very unsafe for us. We are living in great fear and bondage. I intend leaving this country as soon as possible but only one thing kept me back. My late father has deposited with one of the prime bank the sum of money, $5.2Million USD, for onward transfer to any bank abroad But unfortunately he did not complete the transaction before he died. I have all the documents concerns this money in the bank and receipt of deposit with which my late father made the deposit,we have mapped out 15% out of the total money for your help and asistance because it looks stupid for me trying to confide in a total stranger I never met before . By instinct I am convinced you are an honest man and you have the capacity to handle this transaction with me. As soon as it is done, I will come over with my brother to meet you and spend the rest of our lives in your country. I wish to invest the money into estate business and other good business you may propose. I promise to greatly compensate you for any assistance you may offer us. I do not know how you may feel about this but I want you to take this very serious and confidential. Down here, I am living in fear because enemies of my parents are hunting for us. Please let me know your mind concerning my proposal to you May God bless you.   with her loving arms Miss Jennifer Marisa And thus was the email that was depositted in my spam folder earlier last week (?). What I don't get is how Jenny Jenny there was "by instinct...convinced [I am] an honest man." Hell, how did she know I was a man? And where did she get this "honesty" bullcrap from? Someone needs to fire my PR guy... So...how much should I wire her?

Same here. I hate to see a woman cry. That just tears my heart all up.

Raff wrote: I get those all the time too... It's just a pity that I have no shlong!

Actually you do, it's just petite.  Keep an eye on your spam because sooner or later you'll be offered a way to make it bigger.

By the way:
Gold Buyback [[email protected]]
MC Hammer and Ed McMahon are melting gold!
Ed wants to buy your gold back!

Oh, here's another good one:
[email protected]
Make your hose greater
Only huge boners can reach g-spot
http://6njocna42n58tv5tbf78fu.spaces.live.com/

This is going to get censored isn't it?

Interesting what the autobleeper doesn't pick up on...

OK might as well go for the gold:
Playboy [[email protected]
Free Heart-Shaped Asses Gallery for Valentine's Day

Check out these beautiful heart-shaped butts for Valentine’s Day! No images? See this e-mail on the web.

I swear, other than having a particular e-mail address for many years, I did nothing to attract these spams.

Or how about this?
Forensics Training ["=?iso-8859-1?B?Rm9yZW5zaWNzVHJhaW5pbmc=?="@battleism.com]
Online Forensics Degrees
Get a Forensics degree for a rewarding future
This email contains an advertisement.

You're probably gonna need forensics after they mess up your schlong...

Customer:
Morning,

Waitress:
Morning.

Customer:
What have you got?

Waitress:
Well, there's egg and bacon,
egg sausage and bacon
Egg and spam
Egg, bacon and spam
Egg, bacon, sausage and spam
Spam, bacon, sausage and spam
Spam, egg, spam, spam, bacon and spam
Spam, sausage, spam, spam, spam, bacon, spam tomato and spam
Spam, spam, spam, egg and spam
Spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, baked beans, spam, spam, spam and spam.

(Choir: Spam! Spam! Spam! Spam! Lovely Spam! Lovely Spam!)

Or Lobster Thermidor aux crevettes with a mornay sauce
served in a provencale manner with shallots and aubergines
garnished with truffle pate, brandy and a fried egg on top and spam.

Wife:
Have you got anything without spam?

Waitress:
Well, the spam, eggs, sausage and spam
That's not got much spam in it

Wife:
I don't want any spam!

Customer:
Why can't she have eggs, bacon, spam and sausage?

Wife:
That's got spam in it!

Customer:
Hasn't got much spam in it as spam, eggs, sausage and spam has it?

(Choir: Spam! Spam! Spam!...)

Wife:
Could you do me eggs, bacon, spam and sausage without the spam, then?

Waitress:
Iiiiiiiiiiiich!!

Wife:
What do you mean 'Iiiiiiiiiich'? I don't like spam!

(Choir: Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!)

Waitress (to choir):
Shut up!

(Choir: Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!)

Waitress:
Shut Up! Bloody Vikings!
You can't have egg, bacon, spam and sausage without the spam.

Wife:
I don't like spam!

Customer:
Shush dear, don't have a fuss. I'll have your spam. I love it,
I'm having spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, baked beans,
spam, spam, spam, and spam!

(Choir: Spam! Spam! Spam! Spam! Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!)

Waitress:
Shut Up!! Baked beans are off.

Customer:
Well, could I have her spam instead of the baked beans then?

Waitress:
You mean spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam,
spam and spam?

Choir (intervening):
Spam! Spam! Spam! Spam!
Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!
Spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam.
Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam!
Spam spam spam spam!




Edited by Slartibartfast - February 08 2009 at 08:34

Slartibartfast wrote: I'm kind of partial to the vague spam like this: [email protected] Your shlong'll be your trump Hold all the aces in love http://bdf11a4qcgdtfv.spaces.live.com/

I get those all the time too... It's just a pity that I have no shlong!

50%chance of getting it right!

No, this is in no way a con, send her the money. And while you're at it, could you send me some as well.

I love those emails lol. I also was contacted to help some rich diamond guy