101 Rules of Prog Metal - Progressive Rock Music Forum

I thought of posting this, but figured most people here would find the list more insulting than funny. I also think this one is for prog in general, because I'm thinking of making my own for those as there's a lot of non-metallic prog rock clichés that I can't find on that one.

"The past is not some static being, it is not a previous present, nor a present that has passed away; the past has its own dynamic being which is constantly renewed and renewing." - Claire Colebrook

Oh my god, that's so funny and soooooooo true hahaha...

23. Accuse any prog metal musician that cuts his hair of selling out.

psst... Mendez ...

51. Tool is NOT prog. If anyone insists they are, kill them. LOL

I'm prepared to get killed... Tongue

56. The best songs are those that are over 15 minutes, have multiple named sections, and have solos by everyone in the band INCLUDING the drummer

61. Drummers: Huge kits are MANDATORY!!!! If all you have is a 4-piece with 3 crappy cymbals, then you don´t belong on stage. A 5-piece single bass drum kit is the bare minimum and even that´s on the edges of bare bones. If you have a tiny kit BUY MORE DRUMS AND CYMBALS!!!!!!!

73. Play air-drums or air-guitar at concerts. This will make sure that other prog fans recognize your immense talent.

78. If anyone says PF are prog, kindly refer them to rule 1 while you prepare to do a "Varg", so to say.

80. Make sure your album cover contains either a psychedelic computer-drawn image, a lavish painting with mythological figures, or is illustrated by Travis Smith.

hahaha... damn, Travis gets soooooooo much work... it's not fair. Cry

91. BOOOM!!!

LOL

SUPPORT MY FATHER AND BECOME A FAN

Jacob Kobrin Illustration

I'm pretty sure most of that refers to prog in general.

Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal.

1. Insist that your definition of prog metal is sacred and that the only progressive bands are the one you deem to be so.
2. Accuse anyone who disagrees with you regarding rule 1 of lacking musical intelligence and not being a true prog fan.

done

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mrcozdude Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Reviewer page Forum Senior Member Joined: July 25 2007 Location: Devon,UK. Status: Offline Points: 2078	Topic: 101 Rules of Prog Metal Posted: January 19 2009 at 16:27
	Insist the next album with be more technical and heavier.


Toaster Mantis Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Reviewer page Forum Senior Member Joined: April 12 2008 Location: Denmark Status: Offline Points: 5898	Posted: January 19 2009 at 12:21
	I thought of posting this, but figured most people here would find the list more insulting than funny. I also think this one is for prog in general, because I'm thinking of making my own for those as there's a lot of non-metallic prog rock clichés that I can't find on that one.
	"The past is not some static being, it is not a previous present, nor a present that has passed away; the past has its own dynamic being which is constantly renewed and renewing." - Claire Colebrook

The Pessimist Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Reviewer page Prog Reviewer Joined: June 13 2007 Location: United Kingdom Status: Offline Points: 3834	Posted: January 19 2009 at 10:39
	6. When showcasing a new prog metal band to a non-musician friend, put on the most technically difficult song, and skip directly to the solo part. I do that 28. Be able to mention 20 bands noone has heard of, not even true prog fans. Own no releases of these bands. And that
	"Market value is irrelevant to intrinsic value." Arnold Schoenberg

Jake Kobrin Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Reviewer page Prog Reviewer Joined: September 20 2008 Status: Offline Points: 1303	Posted: January 19 2009 at 02:07
	Oh my god, that's so funny and soooooooo true hahaha... 23. Accuse any prog metal musician that cuts his hair of selling out. psst... Mendez ... 51. Tool is NOT prog. If anyone insists they are, kill them. I'm prepared to get killed... 56. The best songs are those that are over 15 minutes, have multiple named sections, and have solos by everyone in the band INCLUDING the drummer 61. Drummers: Huge kits are MANDATORY!!!! If all you have is a 4-piece with 3 crappy cymbals, then you don´t belong on stage. A 5-piece single bass drum kit is the bare minimum and even that´s on the edges of bare bones. If you have a tiny kit BUY MORE DRUMS AND CYMBALS!!!!!!! 73. Play air-drums or air-guitar at concerts. This will make sure that other prog fans recognize your immense talent. 78. If anyone says PF are prog, kindly refer them to rule 1 while you prepare to do a "Varg", so to say. 80. Make sure your album cover contains either a psychedelic computer-drawn image, a lavish painting with mythological figures, or is illustrated by Travis Smith. hahaha... damn, Travis gets soooooooo much work... it's not fair. 91. BOOOM!!!
	SUPPORT MY FATHER AND BECOME A FAN Jacob Kobrin Illustration

Luke. J Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Reviewer page Forum Senior Member Joined: March 07 2008 Location: Germany Status: Offline Points: 380	Posted: January 19 2009 at 01:22
	It's old, but still worth a laugh Happy that some prog metal fans don't take themselves too serious..

TheCaptain Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Reviewer page Forum Senior Member Joined: January 04 2009 Location: Ohio, USA Status: Offline Points: 1335	Posted: January 18 2009 at 23:24
	I'm pretty sure most of that refers to prog in general.
	Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal.

Jozef Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Reviewer page Forum Senior Member Joined: June 17 2008 Location: Pennsylvania Status: Offline Points: 2204	Posted: January 18 2009 at 23:21
	23. Accuse any prog metal musician that cuts his hair of selling out. 92. Buy new albums from past prog-greats. 93. When they turn out to be crap and nothing like the old albums, hit yourself in the head with a hammer until you like them.


Queen By-Tor Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Reviewer page Special Collaborator Honorary Collaborator Joined: September 13 2006 Location: Xanadu Status: Offline Points: 16111	Posted: January 18 2009 at 23:00
	1. Insist that your definition of prog metal is sacred and that the only progressive bands are the one you deem to be so. 2. Accuse anyone who disagrees with you regarding rule 1 of lacking musical intelligence and not being a true prog fan. done

horsewithteeth11 Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Reviewer page Prog Reviewer Joined: January 09 2008 Location: Kentucky Status: Offline Points: 24598	Posted: January 18 2009 at 22:51
	My brother showed me this list today, so I though I would share it with everyone. Hilarious stuff. http://www.metalstorm.ee/pub/fun_comments.php?fun_id=3