Tell me the worst joke you know:) - Progressive Rock Music Forum

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Textbook

Forum Senior Member

Joined: October 08 2009
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Points: 3281

Posted: June 04 2012 at 15:53

Textbook punches ACR in the face.

CRACK OUCH

AtomicCrimsonRush View Drop Down

Special Collaborator

Honorary Collaborator

Joined: July 02 2008
Location: Australia
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Points: 14258

Posted: June 04 2012 at 06:57

A drum and a cymbal jump off a cliff

BOOM TISH

presdoug

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Location: Canada
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Points: 8623

Posted: June 02 2012 at 21:21

What do a piece of toilet paper, and the USS Enterprise have in common?

They both circle around Uranus looking for Klingons.

zappaholic View Drop Down

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Joined: March 24 2006
Location: flyover country
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Points: 2822

Posted: June 01 2012 at 20:23

CPicard wrote:

Textbook wrote:

Why do Jewish women like their men circumcised?

Because nothing excites them more than 20% off.

Strangely, I don't know a lot of Jewish jokes about Goyim.
I guess gentile women and men don't care for sales in big stores, that's it, eh?

Q. Why do goyim exist?
A. Somebody has to buy retail.

"Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want, and deserve to get it good and hard." -- H.L. Mencken

CPicard

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Location: Là, sui monti.
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Posted: June 01 2012 at 13:57

Textbook wrote:

Why do Jewish women like their men circumcised?

Because nothing excites them more than 20% off.

Strangely, I don't know a lot of Jewish jokes about Goyim.
I guess gentile women and men don't care for sales in big stores, that's it, eh?

Hamef Ahakim View Drop Down

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Joined: May 31 2012
Location: In your face
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Posted: June 01 2012 at 12:21

Textbook wrote:

What was George W Bush's stated position on Roe vs Wade?

He said he really didn't care how they evacuated New Orleans.

this joke sucks, so I had to abort it. do carry on.

Textbook

Forum Senior Member

Joined: October 08 2009
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Points: 3281

Posted: June 01 2012 at 05:42

I had no idea that she was Rob's 17 year old sister. I don't read most of the personal stuff here. Message boards are usually talking heads to me, I can't be bothered with everybody's back stories. Must be why I'm so personable and charming online. Calling my "defence" verbal noise, is, I believe, completely unfair. I think it's quite a sensible and eloquent explanation. But if you don't think so, you don't think so.

I'm not even telling the most offensive jokes I know- the original rape joke was in response to someone, I forget who, calling a joke edgy and I was saying, no, not really, this is more like it. I'd post an example of some of the strongest offensive material I know, except I don't think it would be right to do it on this forum without spoiler tags so only people who want to would be afflicted.

Anyway, I blame Nirvana and that Rape Me song. Hearing that at 12 years old was a bit strange.

Back to the terrible jokes.

Why do Jewish women like their men circumcised?

Because nothing excites them more than 20% off.

ColonelClaypool View Drop Down

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Joined: October 22 2005
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Posted: June 01 2012 at 05:08

Which positional (American) football players are most favoured by gay men?

.....Tight ends.

With magic, you can turn a frog into a prince.
With science, you can turn a frog into a Ph.D. and you still have the frog you started with.

Dean

Special Collaborator

Retired Admin and Amateur Layabout

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Points: 37575

Posted: June 01 2012 at 04:42

Textbook wrote:

I think in a thread like this there's an unspoken taste amnesty anyway.

Nope. No need - break forum rules and we do something; don't and we don't.

Textbook wrote:

A "worst joke" thread sort of needs people to be free to say horrible/outrageous things.

It "sort of" doesn't - the last Bad Joke thread ran for some 600 posts and didn't need people to say horrible/outrageous things - sure there were some pretty gross jokes in there but no-one felt the need to out-gross anyone else or set out with the deliberate intention of being offensive or shocking. Shock humour can be very good ( Bowdown

Jerry Sadowitz ) or it can be all right I suppose if you like that kind of thing (Jimmy Carr, Frankie Boyle) or it can be really poor and utterly boring (Jim Davidson, Roy "Chubby" Brown) ... or it can be like a 3 year-old who's just learnt a rude word and keeps repeating it because it made the grown-ups laugh (ie funny once and only if the brat is closely related to you).

Textbook wrote:

You wouldn't see me or other participants dropping some of this in other places around the forum.

Yippity-doo.

Textbook wrote:

There was that whole thing earlier where I made a joke referencing rape and Dean growled at me and I defended it and no else cared enough to engage. If I had turned up in General Discussion making funnies about rape, I'm fairly sure there'd be a firestorm and rightly so.

I merely said "Freedom's a peach. When rape gets funny it's time to evacuate planet earth." - one pun, one sarcastic prog-reference and nary a growl in sight. Your "defence" was just verbal noise and not worth replying to. Somehow you managed to construe my two sentence post into a whole prudish argument that never happened. I was responding to the exchange between Ian and Iain.

Textbook wrote:

I notice that the person who started this thread only made one more post and then apparently left the forum, never to return, unable to face the monster they unwittingly created. Good job team.

I think you are taking credit where none is due - Rob has already explained why his 17 year old sister hasn't returned to the forum (or this thread, which ever you prefer). I will admit that I thought (mark that thought, not said) that rape jokes were not quite what she had in mind when starting this thread, I also didn't think that telling rape jokes to a 17 year old school girl was a particularly appropriate thing to do - but since at least three teachers, (who have more day-to-day dealings with teenagers and minors than I ever will), have posted in this thread without commenting on that I assume that I'm probably a little out of touch with what is and is not acceptable.

Edited by Dean - June 01 2012 at 04:44

What?

Textbook

Forum Senior Member

Joined: October 08 2009
Status: Offline
Points: 3281

Posted: June 01 2012 at 00:00

What was George W Bush's stated position on Roe vs Wade?

He said he really didn't care how they evacuated New Orleans.

Ambient Hurricanes View Drop Down

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Joined: December 25 2011
Location: internet
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Points: 2549

Posted: May 31 2012 at 23:21

presdoug wrote:

tuxon wrote:

presdoug wrote:

Sorry if i had been inappropriate in my joke. I changed it.

You had to change didn't you.

You should leave things as they are, that's how God intended it.

If anything, i should have realised that the first version of my joke would get me into hot water pretty quickly, living in the world as it is in 2012!

I didn't think the original one was offensive, but the edited version is funnier, anyway. The wordplay is more effective.

I love dogs, I've always loved dogs

Textbook

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Joined: October 08 2009
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Points: 3281

Posted: May 31 2012 at 22:25

I notice that the person who started this thread only made one more post and then apparently left the forum, never to return, unable to face the monster they unwittingly created. Good job team.

Textbook

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Points: 3281

Posted: May 31 2012 at 21:47

I can't believe this place doesn't have the emoticon of the little guy laughing so hard he's hitting the floor.

A cannibal is sitting on the toilet crying. His roommate knocks on the door and asks him what the problem is.

"I just dumped my girlfriend" he sobs.

Edited by Textbook - May 31 2012 at 21:51

A Person

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Posted: May 31 2012 at 21:43

What do Princess Diana and Pink Floyd have in common?
Their last big hit was The Wall.

Textbook

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Joined: October 08 2009
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Points: 3281

Posted: May 31 2012 at 21:38

I think in a thread like this there's an unspoken taste amnesty anyway. A "worst joke" thread sort of needs people to be free to say horrible/outrageous things. You wouldn't see me or other participants dropping some of this in other places around the forum. There was that whole thing earlier where I made a joke referencing rape and Dean growled at me and I defended it and no else cared enough to engage. If I had turned up in General Discussion making funnies about rape, I'm fairly sure there'd be a firestorm and rightly so.

And now we resume our scheduled broadcasting:

Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She wasn't wearing her seatbelt.

presdoug

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Posted: May 31 2012 at 17:55

tuxon wrote:

presdoug wrote:

Sorry if i had been inappropriate in my joke. I changed it.

You had to change didn't you.

You should leave things as they are, that's how God intended it.

If anything, i should have realised that the first version of my joke would get me into hot water pretty quickly, living in the world as it is in 2012!

Textbook

Forum Senior Member

Joined: October 08 2009
Status: Offline
Points: 3281

Posted: May 31 2012 at 17:36

A man walks into a psychiatrist's office wearing nothing but cling film around his crotch area.

The psychiatrist says "Well, I can clearly see your nuts."

(If you laughed at this, die.)