Progressive rock fan stereotypes are largely true

Post of the year all years.

Happy birthday Henry

Recently, there have been some posts about the acceptance of progressive rock in mainstream society and lamenting the disdain it receives from the fairer sex, to which people often reply "Oh, I don't want to be normal like the sheep, I'm far too intelligent."

Oh yes, normality.

About that.

You may claim, "Oh Henry, 'normal' is a term is created entirely by the mass media as a tool to oppress those who don't embrace the relentless, hollow consumerism of modern life and shame them into conformity!" or perhaps, if you haven't been listening to Tool lately, you may instead say "But Henry, 'normal' is an entirely relative term and thus is meaningless because no single person can ever satisfy all of its requirements".

But, as you lovingly thumb through your vinyl and CD collection (alphabetized by artist and genre, with albums organized by release date and no reissues don't count you f**king troglodyte) through the haze of illegal substances, think about this: is writing a thesis regarding the pressing issue of the relative merits of Genesis and King Crimson a substitute for your inability to integrate into society? Is it, despite your claims that you are far more interesting than your Abercrombie and Fitch peers who should be purged, perhaps the only thing you can talk about? How long can you delude yourself that a life of aimless leisure time with one or perhaps two hobbies and an ever-increasing post count on forums is worth living, much less important? (And no, the incoherent mess of key changes and "unusual" chords in 7/8 we generously allow you to refer to as "music" does not count, and neither does your 10 page review of Close to the Edge)

I am not a proud man. I have never been on a date. I have made over 250 posts on a forum dedicated solely to My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, and uploaded nearly 300 images of fan art to their server. I was a moderator for a year on the official forums of one of the largest videogame developers in the world. I have been in college since 2007 and have nothing to show for it. My computer tells me that I have played Bejeweled 2 for 19 hours and 21 minutes, I reached over level 70 in Gemcraft Labyrinth and only deleted my save of that so I could be free. If the FBI ever searched my computer I would go to prison. I can name off-hand an absurd number of albums John Zorn was involved in. I looked up from my screen for a moment and saw a gaping black maw on the wall in front of me, slowly but inexorably consuming everything I've ever touched or seen. The edges of my vision grew dim. I looked back down, but the sound remained. 

But, despite this, I strive. I am continuing to attempt to get a degree. I resist the urge to re-organize all of my CDs. reddit.com/r/jailbait is no longer my homepage. I diligently shave my neckbeard and sometimes encounter direct sunlight when I walk my dogs.  And I....

Who am I kidding.

WE WERE ALL BORN IN THIS PIT AND THERE IS NO ESCAPE. THERE IS NO HOPE. EACH AND EVERY ONE OF US ARE FREAKS DOOMED TO A LIFE OF SELF-INFLICTED MISERY. JOIN ME, FOUL CREATURES, AND EMBRACE THE ONLY RELEASE WE WILL EVER FEEL. NO ONE CAN EVER LOVE US. OUR STUNTED MANCHILD HEARTS ARE INCAPABLE OF LOVE ANYWAY UNLESS WE COMPARE IT TO THE SOLO OF FIRTH OF FIFTH. SURRENDER. THERE IS ONLY DEATH. THE SWEET BLISS OF DEATH AND AN ETERNITY OF NOTHING. 

In other news: Happy birthday to me.