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Tapfret 
Special Collaborator
Honorary Collaborator / Retired Admin
Joined: August 12 2007
Location: Bryant, Wa
Status: Offline
Points: 8581
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 Posted: May 09 2012 at 23:14 |
 clarke2001 wrote:
Doctor: You will have to stop masturbating.
Man: Why is that?
Doctor: I am trying to examine you.
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How do you know my doctor?
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presdoug
Forum Senior Member
Joined: January 24 2010
Location: Canada
Status: Offline
Points: 8628
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Posted: May 09 2012 at 21:27 |
Textbook wrote:
Why can't Helen Keller eat tacos?
Because she's dead.
Wanna hear a joke about titanium oxide?
Yeah, me neither.
A bar walks into a man WHAT THE f**k |
Crash! Boom Bang! What was that? Helen Keller falling down the well.
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clarke2001
Special Collaborator
Honorary Collaborator
Joined: June 14 2006
Location: Croatia
Status: Offline
Points: 4160
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Posted: May 09 2012 at 19:49 |
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Doctor: You will have to stop masturbating.
Man: Why is that?
Doctor: I am trying to examine you.
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Textbook
Forum Senior Member
Joined: October 08 2009
Status: Offline
Points: 3281
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Posted: May 09 2012 at 07:24 |
Q: What did the German say to the black Jew?
A: I'm not sure, I don't speak German.
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Textbook
Forum Senior Member
Joined: October 08 2009
Status: Offline
Points: 3281
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Posted: May 09 2012 at 07:23 |
Why can't Helen Keller eat tacos?
Because she's dead.
Wanna hear a joke about titanium oxide?
Yeah, me neither.
A bar walks into a man WHAT THE f**k
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Tapfret
Special Collaborator
Honorary Collaborator / Retired Admin
Joined: August 12 2007
Location: Bryant, Wa
Status: Offline
Points: 8581
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Posted: May 09 2012 at 00:07 |
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Haydn's gonna Hayd.
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presdoug
Forum Senior Member
Joined: January 24 2010
Location: Canada
Status: Offline
Points: 8628
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Posted: May 05 2012 at 20:47 |
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Did you hear about the guy that stole some classical records and they could not find him?
Because he was Haydn.
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JJLehto
Prog Reviewer
Joined: April 05 2006
Location: Tallahassee, FL
Status: Offline
Points: 34550
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Posted: May 05 2012 at 06:58 |
zappaholic wrote:
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I chuckled
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zappaholic
Forum Senior Member
Joined: March 24 2006
Location: flyover country
Status: Offline
Points: 2822
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Posted: May 04 2012 at 17:40 |
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"Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want, and deserve to get it good and hard." -- H.L. Mencken
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JJLehto
Prog Reviewer
Joined: April 05 2006
Location: Tallahassee, FL
Status: Offline
Points: 34550
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Posted: May 04 2012 at 13:31 |
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Sooooooo a family walks into a talent agent's office...
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HolyMoly
Special Collaborator
Retired Admin
Joined: April 01 2009
Location: Atlanta
Status: Offline
Points: 26138
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Posted: May 04 2012 at 11:01 |
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OK, I remember now. Thanks!
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My other avatar is a Porsche
It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle if it is lightly greased.
-Kehlog Albran
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Snow Dog
Special Collaborator
Honorary Collaborator
Joined: March 23 2005
Location: Caerdydd
Status: Offline
Points: 32995
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Posted: May 04 2012 at 10:48 |
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Indeed.
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Dean
Special Collaborator
Retired Admin and Amateur Layabout
Joined: May 13 2007
Location: Europe
Status: Offline
Points: 37575
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Posted: May 04 2012 at 10:19 |
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Hit-Girl from Kick-Ass (cue joke)
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What?
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HolyMoly
Special Collaborator
Retired Admin
Joined: April 01 2009
Location: Atlanta
Status: Offline
Points: 26138
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Posted: May 04 2012 at 09:43 |
Snow Dog -- off topic question, but that movie clip gif in your signature with the super hero girl comes from a movie I've seen, but I'm drawing a blank as to what it's called. It was a very cool movie, I do remember that. It's been bugging me for days, could you please remind me? 
Edited by HolyMoly - May 04 2012 at 09:44
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My other avatar is a Porsche
It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle if it is lightly greased.
-Kehlog Albran
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Snow Dog
Special Collaborator
Honorary Collaborator
Joined: March 23 2005
Location: Caerdydd
Status: Offline
Points: 32995
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Posted: May 04 2012 at 08:22 |
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^Doesn't work outside of the US.
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Smurph
Forum Senior Member
Joined: January 11 2012
Location: Columbus&NYC
Status: Offline
Points: 3167
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Posted: May 04 2012 at 08:19 |
I have bugs on my penis, but it's ok. They are just sementicks.
And here's one that's so not funny that it actually isn't funny.
Why is the most expensive monopoly property so lame?
Because it's boredwalk.
WEGHWIOWEOIFJSDL:SDF KILL ME NOW
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Smurph
Forum Senior Member
Joined: January 11 2012
Location: Columbus&NYC
Status: Offline
Points: 3167
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Posted: May 04 2012 at 08:14 |
Textbook wrote:
What do you call a horse with cancer raping a baby in the guts?
Funny. |
For some reason this made me laugh a lot.
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Textbook
Forum Senior Member
Joined: October 08 2009
Status: Offline
Points: 3281
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Posted: May 04 2012 at 04:27 |
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Little Johnny was sitting in the class one morning when the teacher asked, "if you have six apples, and I take away two apples, how many apples do you have left?" Little Johnny raised his hand, but the teacher called on Suzy.
"You'd have four apples left, Miss Spencer," Suzy said.
"That's correct," said the teacher. But little Johnny was pissed because he had a hilarious response for the teacher that had something to do with the teacher having small tits.
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Textbook
Forum Senior Member
Joined: October 08 2009
Status: Offline
Points: 3281
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Posted: May 04 2012 at 04:21 |
Knock knock. Who's there?
Doorbell repair. Q: What did Batman say to Robin before they got into the Batmobile?
A: Robin, get in the Batmobile.
Q: What did the farmer say when he couldn't find his tractor?
A: Where's my tractor?
Q: What did the paedophile say to the priest?
A: Father, I have sexually abused children and wish to repent.
Q: What's the difference between Adolf Hitler and Nelson Mandela?
A: Nothing. Q: If you have four apples in one hand, and 6 oranges in the other, what do you have?
A: Quite large hands.
Q: Why did the tiger get lost in the jungle?
A: Because the jungle's f*cking massive.
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VanVanVan
Prog Reviewer
Joined: October 08 2009
Status: Offline
Points: 756
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Posted: May 04 2012 at 00:41 |
JJLehto wrote:
How do you confuse a blonde?
Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.
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Brilliant 
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"The meaning of life is to give life meaning."-Arjen Lucassen
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